


The Photographer and The Musician

by Hinaga_Moizaf



Series: Yakari / Hiyama [1]
Category: Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Childhood Friends, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Love, Halloween, Hiyama, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Inspired by Poetry, Late Night Writing, Love Confessions, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Photography, Puppy Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Urban Legends, Yakari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27191099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinaga_Moizaf/pseuds/Hinaga_Moizaf
Summary: People always assumed Hikari and Takeru were an item. The two were inseparable, literally a match made in Heaven. While Hikari went along with this, truthfully, she was looking at his older brother.Yamato's at a crossroads in life. While he's on the right track with his studies and has plans to become an astronaut; it's been years since he's picked up a bass guitar. However, there has been one element that ignites his passion for music: his best friend's sister.Both young adults eventually find their way to one another. Their journey as creative individuals isn't the only thing that starts to heat up.
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Yagami Hikari | Kari Kamiya
Series: Yakari / Hiyama [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082438
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. Flames from the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prolly nine billion spelling & grammatical errors here

[Hikari’s perspective, Highschool senior]

“Did you see that?” a stranger whispers.  
“Could they be any cuter?” another asks between giggles.  
“How lucky, childhood sweethearts,” one moans while simultaneously tapping at their phone.  
“Are you blind? Yagami’s obviously faking it,” someone else claims with an air of arrogance.

I can’t get through a single day here without a group of strangers talking about us behind our backs. 

Takeru-kun cheerfully smiles at everyone we pass, nonchalantly saying he can’t wait to see everyone again the next day. I mimic his behaviour, it’s something we’ve grown accustomed to; a coping mechanism to get through juvenile gossip.He and I have been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember. Our time in the Digital World was the starting point of our bond, and we’ve only grown close ever since. Some might say we’re even a match made in Heaven (taking a not so subtle jab at our celestial Digimon). But...I just don’t feel the same.

Sure, Takeru-kun’s my best friend, I confide in him and compared to the other Chosen Children; I do feel the closest to him. Yes, in comparison to my own brother. Yes, in comparison to Miyako-chan, my DNA Digivolve partner. Even Tailmon at times, Takeru-kun means the world to me. I just don’t see him that way, or at least the way everyone thinks we should be. Seeing that I’m bothered by what just happened, Takeru-kun starts to take my mind off it by talking about his freelancing job. Somehow the topic drifts into my family cat, Miko, and before I realise it; we’re already at his apartment.

As Takeru-kun unlocks the front door, we find the lights in the apartment are already on, and the noise of someone cooking comes from the kitchen. We give each other a puzzled look. Takeru-kun’s Mum is away in France for work, at most a week-long, we both saw her off this morning. It’s not like it would be cancelled either, perhaps a flight delay, I ask myself. A very, very long flight delay.

Realising it could be something much worse, Takeru-kun silently grabs for the baseball the Takaishis keep at the entrance of their house. He gestures to me to have my phone on standby, but to walk behind him at a safe distance. As soon as our weight properly settles on the wooden floor, it creaks and Takeru-kun curses under his breath. Before the fear of the unknown could set in, a familiar voice chuckles from the kitchen; and a more familiar face pops out.

“Aw man, I came to surprise you with dinner. And in return, you surprise me by beating me up,” Yamato-kun comes over to ruffle Takeru-kun’s hair and wink a hello at me. Oh no, my knees are weak and my chest is tight. As his brother returns to the kitchen, Takeru-kun lets go of the bat in relief, at least one of us can rest easy.  
“Pray tell, why are you here?” the younger brother walks deeper into his apartment, his home and a place equally familiar to me too. It normally is, it normally should be, but for today- it feels as if I shouldn’t be here.

“Do you honestly think with Mum gone, she’d leave you here alone for a week?” Yamato-kun starts to scoop out our dinner onto plates.Okay, I’m starting to feel a little better. I’ve always enjoyed his cooking, it’s leagues better than something even my Grandma can whip up.Onii-chan’s given it a shot too, that summer when I was a child and he cooked up omelette rice. But it couldn’t compare to Yamato-kun’s dish, even if you were to follow it a hundred percent; he would always make it better. 

“Thought she’d trust me enough,” Takeru-kun pouts like a child, dropping his bag onto the couch as I wash my hands. The Takaishis’ apartment isn’t necessarily small, but being this close to Yamato-kun; I can’t help but feel self-conscious about everything and wish we were at least a football field apart. Dear God, I hope I’m not blushing. Wait, am I blushing? I feel a little lightheaded. 

Lifting my gaze ever so slightly, the two brothers continue their back and forth banter. As Takeru-kun sprints into his room for a moment (a moment that feels like a thousand years for me); Yamato-kun looks my way. He smiles kindly, and I wonder if my heart could beat any faster.  
“Good thing I finished cooking before you two got home,” he says, his voice turning knots in my stomach, “You’re looking a little pale, Hikari.”  
“Oh, well..,” c’mon say something, “You know Autumn’s here, days are starting to get a lil’ chilly…,” the more I talk, the more I sound like a squeaking mouse, “But yeah, yeah...it’s a good thing you’re here, Yamato-san.”

His smile quickly turns into a small frown, a childlike disappointment I’ve seen on his brother’s face a million times. Speak of the Devil, Takeru-kun finally returns, an eyebrow raised. “San? What happened to niisan?”  
God, I want to punch this kid right now.

Unable to say anything, Yamato-kun picks up on this and lightly slaps his brother on the shoulder, “You can charm girls left and right but you can’t pick up on this? C’mon, dude, Hikari’s probably too embarrassed to call me that at this age.”  
As he goes on to lecture his brother, Takeru-kun puts a finger on his chin before his eyes light up, as if realising something else. Oh God, I don’t want to hear this, “That’s the other thing-just Hikari?” okay just stab me, why don’t you? “When did that happen? I still call her Hikari-chan.”  
“Well, you and I are best friends,” I finally interject, finding the courage to say anything. Oh no, that sounded a bit harsh. Like, it’s true; and before I know it, my words are spilling out again, “Yamato-san and I are…”  
“Family friends,” the older brother finishes, sounding oddly tense on his part. Dare I say, sounding almost...crestfallen?

Takeru-kun finally lets the topic drop as we dig in. The evening plays on, Yamato-kun explaining he’ll be around to check up on Takeru-kun while their Mum’s away. Takeru-kun jokes how his brother shouldn’t be bringing girls around, something that sets off a small emerald creature inside of me wreaking havoc; before Yamato-kun bites back that he doesn’t even do that at the university dorm. Occasionally, he’ll look my way too, either to smile or point out how much of an idiot his brother’s being. I try to look back, I try to smile, try to do anything except being awkward. But I can’t, I haven’t been able to in the longest time.

Yeah, when did I stop calling him ‘Yamato-niisan’? Saying ‘Yamato-san’ in public but secretly wanting to call him ‘Yamato-kun’ like any other girl his age. A question I’ve asked myself a hundred times, one I know the answer to and repeat a million more. It didn’t come as a shock at first, but I was taken aback when I realised it.

I’ve been falling for Yamato Ishida ever since we were kids. 

[Yamato’s perspective, University student]

Of all the things he had to point out, to ask-why the hell did Takeru pick that?

Considering it’s so late and getting darker each day, I told Takeru to walk his best friend home. That’s right, Yamato, tell yourself that over and over again. She’s your brother’s best friend, she’s your best friend’s sister...she’s your cr-

I give myself a slap before that thought can finish. Wiping down the dining table, my finger starts to tap, the clock in the background ticking away. Huh, that’s a rhythm I can get behind. I haven’t had that spark in a while, what caused it? What’s out of the ordinary? Who was I with today-

I give myself a harder smack and yell into my hands. I know the answer, or at least I think I do; but I can’t admit it. No, I won’t admit it. C’mon on, c’mon on, there must be something else I can do, literally anything else. Assignments, window shopping, tutoring some kid to play the drums even-though-I-played-bass-guitar...helping someone around the house. Around this house-well apartment, an apartment that’s not even mine, but I’ve grown familiar with...who else feels that way?

Dear God, what’s wrong with me? 

Shaking my head, I pace around the apartment, truly lost in what I should do. I’ve never been the best at figuring out my feelings, sorting them out, working through them. I guess that’s part of the reason I got so into music all those years ago: to literally play out my emotions. I just haven’t had the time since graduating Highschool, that’s one half of the whole truth. The other reason...I genuinely haven’t felt that connection, that spark-until now.

Realising that sitting around and sulking won’t help, I decided to gather my thoughts and strum away at my bass. Maybe note down a few lyrics, notes, anything that comes pouring. Funny, it’s as if it’s one of those ‘muse visits’ I’ve heard happen to most creative people.Takeru would know the term, Takeru would know Hikari better-

No, no, NO. Pull yourself together.

But...would it be so wrong? The fact that I’ve debated this, whether consciously or not, should be telling of the situation. It may be Autumn, but this evening was so warm. I wanted to smile the entire time,I was filled with so much joy. Hikari being here, so close yet so out of my reach; she’s like the Sun.

A source of light we all need in our lives. In another life, I think she could have been an old flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before y’all start carrying your flaming pitchforks...yeah I have nothing to say apart from Yakari’s just a guilty pleasure/one of those fun ‘what if’ ships for me.
> 
> Similar to my Takari one, I have rough ideas & an overall ending for how this is going to play out. But just like the Takari fic, I’m also highkey writing this & coming up with ideas as I go along.


	2. Searching for Answers in a Dream

The afterschool bell rings, a stampede of kindergarteners exiting their classrooms as I walk towards it. A couple of housewives stop and point at me, giggling as they scoop up their own kids. Strange, I don’t know why I’m doing this, but it feels so natural. Peering through the sliding doors, a brother and sister remain, happily playing amongst themselves. Weird, the longer I look at them, the more they look like a younger version of me...and Taichi. Well, to an extent.

There’s no mistaking it, one has azure eyes and chestnut locks. While the other has my blonde hair and the Yagamis’ hazel eyes. Just as I open the doors, they both look my way and run towards me with immeasurable excitement. The brother charges into my legs, nearly knocking me off my feet. While the sister grabs onto my hands, swinging them side to side. Okay, this is endearing, Takeru used to do this when he was a toddler.

“Papa!” they both exclaim, and before I know it, I’m grinning from ear to ear. Hold on, Papa? Am I hearing things? Without a second thought, I play with their hair, just like the way I’d play with my brother’s.  
“Papa, did you go up a rocket today?” the little girl asks, her cheeks rosy.  
“Did you get to touch the Sun?” her cheerful brother asks, huh, the Sun, “Was the Sun as warm as Mama?”

That last word lingers, replaying itself in my mind. Okay, I can digest the fact I’m an astronaut. Actually, scratch that, what am I saying? Of course I’m working towards becoming an astronaut, right? I’m not as dense as Motomiya, I can grasp these as my kids. But then, who’s their mother here?

“You’re back early,” the voice I’m grown so familiar with, so comfortable with over the years, has my entire attention. The person behind it is so kind, she sounds so warm; as if she came from the Heavens themselves-

My morning alarm goes off, realising I’ve woken up in a puddle of my own sweat. I start to heave, my throat dry, clutching onto my sheets. Slowly looking around the room, I realise that was just a dream. Waking up now, I remember I’m at Mum’s and Takeru’s, looking after him for a week. A whole week, seven days, where he is that means she’ll be there too…

No, focus, it’s first thing in the morning. Which means I woke up for classes, right, right. I’ll make something light for Takeru and I before heading off for campus. Or maybe, I won’t have to, I can already smell something cooking. Grinning to myself, I spring out of bed and open the door to the rest of the apartment.  
“Takeru, I didn’t know you could cook-”  
“O-oh,” that Heavenly voice from the dream appears in real life, speaking before me now. No, that voice wasn't just something from a dream; it’s a voice I’ve heard for most of my life. “Morning, Yamato-san.”

She timidly whispers my name, eyes back on the frying pan. I scratch my neck,unsure myself what to do. Shoot, of course Hikari would be here. Ever since Taichi moved out for university, Takeru’s taken up the role as ‘the-guy-she-needs-wake-up-in-the-morning’. Honestly, how does Mum deal with him? Must have gotten it from Dad, he’ll sleep like a log after three all nighters. I glance back at her, and my heart flutters. Somehow, she’s basking in the morning light, appearing so quaint and delicate.

Cliche to say this, but I never realised how much she’s grown. Before she and Takeru became lifelong companions late in Elementary; just as we were entering Middle School, I’d drop by the Yagamis often to hang out with Taichi. At first, I didn’t want to intrude, but his folks welcomed me every other week as if I was another son. I got to know them more, in fact I was probably spending more time with them than the amount I’d see Dad on the weekdays. During all that time, Hikari was always there, and truthfully; I only saw her as an extension of the Yagamis. Taichi’s frail little sister, and eventually my own brother’s closest confidant.

But now, this morning, and during that damn dream-I’m finally seeing Hikari Yagami for the first time.

I swing my arms awkwardly, peering at what she’s making.C’mon, you can break the ice. “Need some help?” without waiting for a response, I wash my hands and look over her shoulder.  
Hikari makes a strange noise, her hands shaking. Oh no, I’ve frightened her. Stepping back and trying to mumble an apology, she begins, “That’s alright,I’m almost done anyway. In fact, I’m just heating up some leftovers I’ve brought from home.”  
Heating up? I simply point at the microwave, and she turns a bright red. Oh no, quick, quick, don’t be such a jerk, “Oohhh, heating up on the frying pan...the stove...the older microwave-” how the hell did I get into uni? “That’s very...homey.”

I say that last word with uncertainty, as if posing a question. Hikari doesn’t respond, but she makes another noise, something you’d hear from a startled kitten. Wait, did I offend her? Am I making this worse than it should be?  
“Yamato-san,” she says my name quietly, she says it as if it’s draining the life out of her, “You know, and you can call me silly…,” God, I could hear her talk for an eternity, “But, well, I actually had a dr-”

I’ll never know what she had, and how it involved me, because the postman decides to ring at this very moment. Excusing myself, I hurry down the hall, clasping my hand over my mouth. Shoot, now I’m turning bright red.

[Hikari’s perspective]

Everyone starts shuffling out of the classroom, boys sluggishly wrapping their arms around another while girls chat away while there’s no tomorrow. I remain at my desk, sorting out a few loose pieces of paper and making sure I have all of my stationary. Out of earshoot, I hear a few of the boys still in the room, at the furthest corner. I hear my name being mentioned, a few teasing remarks here and there. Looking up, I catch them staring at me and I wave back, plastering on a smile. The shortest one of the group appears flustered, hanging his head low; while his friends nudge him forward.

Bless his heart, because as soon as he takes his first step, Takeru-kun walks in and naively calls out to me. My short classmate looks defeated and drags his feet out, while his friends try to comfort him and shoot glances in our direction. Takeru-kun hovers over my desk, his expression friendly and slightly amused by my muffled giggle.

“Had you come just a second later, I think you would have walked into an afterschool confession,” I inform him while resting my chin of my hand, a mechanical pencil twirling in the other.  
“Oh no,” he responds sarcastically, settling in on the desk infront of me, “And to think, I would have gotten in the way of your fifth suitor this month.”  
I playfully slap his arm, gazing out the window as the late afternoon eventually meets the early evening, “After all this time, people still think we’re dating.”  
“Well, how about that boy just now?” Takeru-kun asks, before counting on his finger, “And the one before, and the one from the start of the month, and the one from last May-”

I flick him on the forehead and he chuckles, “Okay, not everyone thinks we’re dating,” I correct myself, “But as soon as they see you, it’s like they’re up against a ghost. I mean, come on, you have such a baby face too. How is that intimidating?”  
He shoots back before lightly pinching my finger, I mouth an apology, “Honestly, you and Aniki are the same.”  
My stomach does a weird flip and my throat feels funny, do I want to know? “I-in what sense?” Wow, you couldn’t appear less cool.  
“You two have got people lining up for you left and right, enough love letters to put Shakespeare to shame,” he says casually while going through his phone, “Not gonna lie, I’m starting to feel sorry for them, you and Aniki end up turning down each and every one of them.”

Saying that Yamato-kun gets a lot of admirers is like saying fish belongs in water, it’s just common sense and everyone knows that. Before he put on that leather jacket and rode everywhere on that motorcycle, before he was in his boyband and became every teenage girl’s heartthrob, even before he was a Chosen Child and saved the world- Yamato-kun has always been ‘the pretty boy’.

Which is perfectly valid, people get crushes on attractive people all the time.But for me, his spirit is just as beautiful too, he’s always been a charming person. Wait, have I been spaced out for too long? Glancing back at Takeru-kun, he’s just been tapping away at his phone. That’s a relief,we’re just been sitting in comfortable silence. I start to tug at my hair, tapping at my desk until he looks my way too.

“What’s up?” Takeru-kun asks, his face empty of any clear emotions, I blink back confused, “You’re fidgeting, fiddling with things around you :that means something’s bothering you.”  
I laugh back, as his words sink in. Yeah, something has been on my mind. More accurately, since waking up this morning, I had a dream…, “...another way you and Aniki are so similar.”

His comment catches me off guard, fully bringing me to the moment. My eyes widen, my mouth agape before he continues, “He doesn’t realise it, but when he’s unnerved, or even stressed, Aniki’s fingers move. Like he’s playing an instrument, something to keep his mind off things; something to keep him distracted. So tell me, Hikari-chan, what’s on your mind?”

I have a hard time being honest, putting myself forward to my feelings. If that wasn’t enough, it’s about his brother. My brother’s best friend. How could I even begin with that? I’ll start subtle, not outright saying it, not pulling a ‘so-a-friend-of-mine-totally-not-me’. I stop tugging at my hair and fiddling with my stationary, taking a deep breath.

“I had this dream,” I begin hesitantly and slowly as Takeru-kun pulls out a notebook, “Looking back, it’s pretty stupid,” I force canned laughter and he lightly hits me with a pencil, scolding me like a child for trying to cover up. For using my coping mechanism.  
I lean back in my chair, letting my emotions flow, “It was like a look in the future, in a way. And you know with all our adventures in the Digital World, I’m here thinking is it a sign? So putting that aside-”  
“Just talk about your dang dream.”  
“-I’m getting there,” I bite back, “...I don’t know, there were these two kids, and there were mine. I had kids in this dream,” I smile a little, my eyes focusing on my hands, “I was even a kindergarten teacher.”  
“You’ve been saying you’ve wanted to be one since we were 11,” he comments, I can see him smiling to himself, “So? What’s so wrong with that dream? It sounded pretty nice.”

Before I have the courage to say anything else, his phone rings. Excusing himself, Takeru-kun’s eyes widened and he got up from his seat.  
“It’s Aniki, there’s an emergency at home.”

(A walk later)

Turns out, there was no emergency.

Sprawled out on the Takaishis’ dining table is dinner fit for a family of ten. The cuisine ranges from something you’d see in those American holiday films to something you can find in the convenient stores here, but a thousand times better. Unsurprisingly, Onii-chan’s here too, helping himself to some mashed potatoes as Yamato-kun tries to whack him away.

“Was the emergency that Taichi-san’s gonna finish all the food?” Takeru-kun asks out of breath. Poor guy, we practically sprinted the way back.  
“It will if you two don’t sit yourself down,” my brother jokes, eyeing the fried chicken.  
“I see Agumon’s influence has rubbed off on you,” I comment while making my way to the kitchen sink. I make sure to turn on the hot water first as the boys talk amongst themselves. I don’t think I take too long to wash up, but Yamato-kun appears beside me, a grin on his face. I tell him I’ll be done soon, that he can use the sink after me; but he shakes his head.

“Not here for that,” could his voice be any deeper? It’s sending shivers down my spine. Stealing a glance at our brothers, he leans in, lowering his voice even more, “Sorry for the scare. In all honesty, I just wanted to cook you guys dinner, as a thank you for this morning. But I ran into Taichi and he put the idea in my head to, well, ‘surprise’ you guys.”  
“So you did have a say in this,” I say, all too aware my tone of voice sounds different when I’m with him. Yamato-kun gestures an apology and he comes in closer; and I’m starting to feel self-conscious if I smell bad from that sprint.

“That breakfast you made this morning, even if it was just ‘leftovers’,” he can totally call my bluff, then Yamato-kun warmly chuckles, and I already feel ten times more at ease, “That was really sweet of you. I’m sure Takeru’s used to it, but I just want to let you know I appreciate it. Didn’t even have to be something from a five-star restaurant, it tasted great in its own way. So great, in fact, I’m jealous of o-your future kids who’ll get to taste your cooking every day.”

My heart beats faster at that last sentence. Are my ears working properly? I finally look his way, albeit not directly at his eyes; and I swear, I can see him blush a little. No, you’re just projecting things, Hikari...right?

Yes, definitely, he said ‘your’ instead of ‘our’. No way he’d say ‘our’, why would he say ‘our’, right?

I didn’t hit me until after we left and I was alone with my thoughts: did Yamato-kun and I share the same dream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK but coming up with these chapter titles is giving me life.
> 
> Me being sappy & all poetry, I love coming up with title/names etc that have meaning. Most of my writing I plan ahead & keep in the works for months, organising everything.  
> With fanfics, I just upload as I write it, literally word vomit. But lately with this Yakari one, Idk, I've had that spark of with coming up with chp titles


	3. Coloured Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My imagery & figurative language here is a mess, pls bear with me as I get my groove back
> 
> A very sloppy 'mood board' is up on my IG & Tumblr

Street names start to blend in together, the roads never seem to end. The world itself has a gray tint to it, and it’s not something wrong with my vision either. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, everything becomes loud. It’s not the nicest feeling, but at least I’m feeling something. When did it become like this? When did the world start to lose its colour?

A group of juniors enthusiastically crowd around Takeru-kun, while the Literature teacher remains at her desk, overseeing this impromptu workshop. He and I were supposed to go to a new cafe and try out this dessert everyone’s been talking about. Just as we were about to head off, our Literature teacher called us over.

“A workshop?” I remember him asking, visibly confused.  
“It would be very informal, I would be happy to write up a reference for university,” she explained, running her hand through her hand and looking exhausted, “Please, just for an hour, maybe two. We originally had Kayano-sensei on board, but he had a family emergency. I might be a Literature teacher, but I’m completely hopeless about Creative Writing. The students were so excited too.”

So, that’s how this happened, with Takeru-kun hosting a last minute writing workshop for the junior students. He was nervous, who wouldn’t be? Trying to comfort him, I tell him to consider it like one of his writing groups; bouncing off ideas and peer review off of each other. Except, he’s leading the group, and giving more advice than actually writing.Our Literature teacher did apologise for dragging me into this too, but I reassured her I have nothing to do, and it was easier to stay with him too. 

40 minutes into the workshop, she finally gets up and walks over to me, much to Takeru-kun’s dismay. “Yagami-san,” she begins, taking a sip of her coffee before continuing, “Have you read Takaishi-kun’s writing?”  
I ponder about this, trying to think on top of my head, “Well, I’ve read a short story here and there. Occasionally, he’s helped out with writing a few articles at his mother’s news agency.”  
“Aren’t they amazing?” she says with a sparkle in her eye, “Don’t tell him I told you this, because it’ll only feed his ego, but Takaishi-kun is like our generation’s Fitzgerald. What I’m trying to say is,” she locks eyes with me, that sparkle’s slowly going away, “He’s industry good. So, how about you?”  
I blink in confusion, caught off guard by her question, “Oh, yeah, yeah, I think he’s a great author. I mean, even as an everyday joe, I can see-”  
She shakes her head, making a humming noise, “I suppose I didn’t make myself too clear. I mean, what about you, Yagami-san? A little birdie told me you’re keen about photography.”

I honestly don’t know how to respond to this either. Sure, during Elementary and some of Middle School, I was ‘the photographer’. I frequently had a camera hung around my neck, some of my friends asked me to snap them here and there. I was even the photographer...for one of Yamato-kun’s concerts. 

“That...was just something for fun,” I force myself to politely laugh, gesturing with my hands at how childish it was, “Compared to Takeru-kun, it was just a hobby. I mean, look at him, he’s planning on pursuing Creative Writing at university. His backup’s Literature, but those two usually go hand in hand.”  
“But you did like it, right?” she pesters me, focusing back on the workshop, “I may not have an eye for these creative things, but I think it’s something worth investing your time in. You never know, even if it’s not professional. If it’s something that’s captured your heart, why not go for it?”

I’ve been losing it lately, and maybe I’m overthinking it : but is our Literature teacher also giving me love advice? 

I can’t focus on the workshop anymore, time moves without me noticing it has. I have to ask myself, when was the last time I looked at any sort of scenery; and had the desire to capture it?

The world could be wrapped up in a storm, it could rain every single day, the tides could move with the utmost rage- but I would still find myself stuck in a desert. For everyday now, I’ve found that I’m wandering through a drought; as if any and every droplet of water was forbidden from this Earth. 

After the workshop, Takeru-kun asks me to wait by the school entrance, take a seat by one of the benches while he handles one last thing. So I do, I wait for him patiently as the other students head home; their numbers growing smaller. A few cleaners and staff look in my direction, wondering why hasn’t this girl gone home. I smile at them, assuring it’s all good; but I’m not too sure myself. In fact, Takeru-kun is taking his time, much longer than he normally would. He couldn’t have left me here alone, he wouldn’t have. Even if we didn’t have plans, why would Takeru-kun just ask me to wait-

“Hikari?” Yamato-kun brings me back to the present. Wait, Yamato-kun? 

Making sure I haven’t gone insane, my eyes adjust to the approaching figure. True enough, the blond-haired and azure-eyed boy makes his way towards me; his face full of concern. These autumn evenings are getting colder, darker even. But with Yamato-kun here, it’s as if summer returned; as if time itself decided to rewind with everything getting warmer again.

I’m at a loss for words, should I let him speak? I was waiting for Takeru-kun, yes that’s right. “W-why are you here?” I squeak out, trying to make sense of the situation. He has a helmet in hand, and looking past him, I can see his motorcycle parked nearby. Yamato-kun raises an eyebrow, his expression still appearing soft.  
“Takeru called me,” he starts to rub the back of his neck, looking away, “He said you needed a ride home.”  
“He said, I don’t…,” I can’t even form a proper sentence, what’s wrong with me? In fact, what’s going on here? “I’m good, I usually walk home anyway, I don’t need a ride...but I really appreciate you-”

He settles himself down next to me, and I forget how to speak. We have a considerable amount of space between us, but I didn’t realise the outdoors could feel so small. We continue to sit in silence, eventually the street lights start to flicker, nearby traffic growing louder as rush hour approaches. We’re alone again, why am I so nervous?

I steal quick glances at him, I can only see the profile of his face. Yamato-kun exhales, resting his elbow on his lap while his hand fiddles with his jacket. I wonder if he knows, that when he’s being all silent and mysterious like this; it’s like looking at the first layer of snow that settles on a winter morning.

It’s something magical, yet you understand perfectly well how it happens. It feels like something out of a faerie tale, it takes your breath away even though it’s one of the most natural things in the world. Maybe that’s why it’s so special too, it happens so naturally, so effortlessly; you can’t help but marvel how endearing that is. I’m probably not making a lot of sense, in fact the world’s not really making much sense either. But I get it, it’s clear to me, and when I’m with Yamato-kun; for just the briefest moment-

I feel the calm sensation you get from seeing fresh snow settle overnight. It’s something I want to capture with my camera. 

“Well,” he says softly, and I wonder how long it's been since I’ve been staring at him, “Even if you don’t need a ride, let me at least walk you home. It’s getting late and...yo, where is my brother?”  
“I wish I knew that too,” I responded with a hint of annoyance, “He told me to wait for him, didn’t realise that meant waiting a thousand years.”  
“You’d think he’d be a better gentleman being the one that lives with Mum,” Yamato-kun grumbles, “Even if you two are best friends, this is pretty rude of him.”  
“He really isn’t like this, not usually at least,” I assure my best friend’s brother, before thinking of a way to lighten up the situation, “But since he’s so bad at it, why don’t you step up and be the ‘better gentleman?”  
“Hold on, who’s saying I’m not?”I can hear him registering my playful mood, and lightly jabbing me with his finger as I instinctively try to dodge him.  
“Oh, just the legions of girls you’ve broken the hearts of, Mr-Lead-Vocalist.”  
“I can’t help that I’m so gorgeous, now can I?” 

I like this, being this comfortable again. I like seeing him being comfortable with himself too. He doesn’t show it, but Yamato-kun’s very self-deprecating, someone plagued with so much self-loathing. People think he’s this super cocky and aloof rockstar, but Yamato-kun is just as sensitive and insecure as the next person. He just masks it, he covers it up too well sometimes he has problems being honest with himself. Being kind to himself too, cutting himself that slack. So with how he is now, I couldn't be happier to witness this progress. 

We both burst in laughter before the silence settles in again.Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hand twitch. Oh no, is he cold? I want to ask that and offer something to keep him warm, but his hand starts to move. Ever so slightly, and maybe I’m seeing things again...but it’s moving towards me. It’s fighting between wanting to be left open versus reaching out to me directly, what’s going on? Is he alright? 

“Y-Yamato-san!” I blurt out a bit too loud, and he instantly retracts, clearly taken by surprise, “Oh no, I didn’t mean to startle you.”  
“I’m not startled!” He tries to play it cool, but he’s raising his voice too. Yamato-kun looks my way, his face flustered too, “What was it?”  
Shoot, what do I say? “...your band…” I whisper.

He blinks back in confusion. Hikari, you idiot, his band broke up during graduation. Okay you can play it dumb-okay don’t play dumb. You’re not dumb, “S-sorry! What I meant to say was...I mean, I know your band broke up around two years ago, your second band that is...wait, I didn’t mean for this to be a bad memory, if it’s a sore spot I can-”  
“Hikari,” he cuts me off before I continue making a fool of myself. Yamato-kun straightens his posture, clears his throat and leans in. God, his azure eyes, a shade of blue I never knew of before. I never knew this shade of blue could be clearer than the Sky, darker than the depths of the Ocean, more dazzling than its namesake- Yamato-kun’s eyes are all of these things at once, and more. 

“Being honest, Takeru did mention something, something I wanted to try with you. Of course, you can decline, I know it’d be pretty lame to hang out with your older brother’s bud. But also, I’m just putting this out there if you’re interested, perhaps. I haven’t actually played music in a long time. Whether it be the harmonica, my bass, or even singing; I just haven’t had that desire to play anything really. But Takeru tells me, you haven’t picked up photography in a while either. It’s a pretty cheesy idea, but it could help, so here’s my proposal.”

Yamato-kun shuts his eyes, tightening his fists, and despite it being so dark, I can see his face turning a shade of red I didn’t think could be so vibrant, “Would you like to work on a creative project with me? You could point your camera at something, anything, and I could conjure a song out of that. It could work either way too, I can come up with the tune or a lyric first, and from there...actually I’m not too sure how this would work out, but something like-”  
“Yamato-kun,” it’s my turn to interrupt him. He opens his eyes, poor boy’s shaking, I greet him with a gentle smile that reaches both my ears, “You would make me the happiest girl in Tsukishima High. A thousand times over, yes please.” 

That night, after everyone went to bed, and I made sure I was in the privacy of my own room; I went ahead and scribbled out this letter:

The world used to lose its colour  
It became a single shade of gray.  
If the Skies wanted to cry  
If the Oceans decided to indulge  
itself in its rage, I couldn’t feel it.  
I’ve been wandering this Earth  
Completely devoid of any spark of life,  
Of anything that could call itself ‘desire’  
and bless me with a sliver of joy.

That blessing came in the shape of you  
And your enchanting azure eyes.  
You didn’t cast a spell on me,  
My heart knew what I wanted  
As that once foreign desire  
Suddenly became an ever engulfing fire.

Having you beside me  
Was more calming than the softest  
of lullabies, I wondered over and over,  
“Were you a gift manifested from my dreams?”

These words I share with you  
They don’t do my feelings justice.  
They’re all over the place  
They just scratch the surface of my heart,  
But these words do represent me  
The version of me that wasn’t acquainted with you yet.

If I can request anything, may I ask you be patient  
Because now that you’re the centre of my world,  
I can finally see the colours that inspired the word ‘lover’.


	4. The Eve of St.Agnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For someone who religiously writes in a diary & keeps track of dates frequently, I did not realise Halloween’s already here. I started this fic on the 22nd of Oct & was like ‘oh yea Halloween’s like a week away’, and at the time yea. But that time is now & I wanted this to be out as a kinda ‘ween special.
> 
> Why yes 5% of the Digimon fandom who also give a rat’s ass about literature; this chp’s is referencing Romantic poet JOHN KEATS’ work of the same name. (40% of my undergrad dissertation was on him, how could I not mention him in literally everything I write until the end of time)
> 
> So chronologically (wow a non-linear timeline, how original):  
> 1)This Chp 4 takes place on Halloween, a few weeks ahead  
> 2)Then Chp 5 will take place after 3,  
> 3)And finally Chp 6 will pick up after 4.

[Hikari’s perspective. A few weeks later, Halloween night.]

“...didn’t think we’d be here so soon,” Onii-chan comments, putting down another three chairs.  
“Really? You had that much confidence in yourself? We had a bet you’d be held back for at least another two years,” Yamato-kun teases from across the room as Onii-chan calls him a name our Mum wouldn’t like to hear.  
“Now, now, Yamato,” Koushiro-san says, opening a box of decorations, “I’d be embarrassed if I was in the same graduating class as my sister.”

By this point, Onii-chan grabs onto another chair and charges towards Koushiro-san; while the rest of us break into laughter. Seeing as Odaiba is the hometown for us Chosen Children and where most of our battles occurred (well at least in the real world that’s not Hikarigaoka), the principal of our school thought we could give a talk to the students here. I say ‘we’, but I know they’re more interested in Onii-chan and the older team. Coincidentally, the school’s also occupied with other administrative matters at the moment; so we volunteered to help set up the place.

This is why at least five of us are here at Tsukishima General High School on Halloween Night; when any other senior or university student would be out getting wasted. The ceiling lights start to flicker and after tormenting Koushiro-san, Onii-chan’s shouting from outside of the auditorium; asking where the emergency lights are.  
“I thought I told you to bring a flashlight!” Yamato-kun grunts back, before rummaging through his bag to pull out his own one, “You have a phone too, geez, use that.”  
“Oh, Aniki, what a responsible wife you are,” Takeru-kun teases, in turn going through his own bag, “It’s like you knew Taichi-san would forget.”  
“Was only asking because we’re moving around furniture and all these frilly decorations,” my brother protests with Koushiro-san following after, catching his breath, “It would just be safer if we had that.”

“Not gonna lie,” Yamato-kun slowly says, without making eye contact with anyone except...me? Was he looking at me? “You have a point there. I mean, we’re all more than happy to give the talk. But coming here late at night-” on cue, the doors are slam shut by the wind. Slowly creaking open as we recover from that jump scare, “-to set up the place, I don’t know it seems pretty irresponsible.”  
“Can’t be helped,” Takeru-kun joins in, all of our eyes falling on him as he pulls out...clothes? No, more like : costumes, “Both teaching and maintenance staff had to attend to admin stuff. Besides what a story it would be,” he finally turns to look at us, giving a mischievous look in his eye, “When all the girls hear about the heroic Taichi-san, Koushiro-san, and Aniki,” why did he emphasize his brother, “Roaming about these academic halls, so full of energy to inspire them, and…,” why is this boy so dramatic, “...to be on the lookout for St.Agnes.” 

The lights flicker once more, the doors opening and closing by themselves, a black cat of all things meowing in the distance.  
“St.Agnes?” Koushiro-san asks him, “Who’s that? Sounds European.”  
Without missing a beat, Takeru-kun rushes to the other side of the auditorium; and manually switches off the lights himself while turning on his brother’s flashlight beneath his chin.  
“Hey, you give that back! We’ll need it in the case of an emergency,” Yamato-kun scolds his brother, but really, we all know why. Poor guy can’t handle ghost stories, and Takeru-kun’s about to give one.

“Young boys and ghouls,” he really has the audacity to start the story like this, “May think Halloween is just another night of trick or treating, stuffing themselves with sweet dishes and donning on costumes galore...but here at the halls of Odaiba’s most esteemed institution-”  
“Pretty sure I saw a rat in the girls’ changing room once,” I interject, stealing a look at Yamato-kun who manages to laugh. Good, that did help him out. I feel a small pinch on my cheek, without realising it Takeru-kun has walked all the way back to us and gives me an annoyed look.

“-before I was so rudely interrupted,” he clears his throat, “Here at Tsukishima High School , we are visited by the spirit...of St.Agnes!” This loser pulls out his phone and plays an audio file for the sound of thunder.  
“Wow, didn’t realise we were also getting a slam poetry show tonight,” I compliment him sarcastically, batting my eyelashes; to which Yamato-kun looks away before stifling a laugh. Did I really do that? No, Hikari, don’t flatter yourself.  
“Must be something in that Ishida-Takaishi blood,” Onii-chan joins in, “Can’t go one night without hogging the attention and being all dramatic.”  
Yamato-kun responds by throwing his jacket at my brother in irritation, “Well maybe the Yagami brother can take a page from his sister’s book and speak when it’s necessary.”  
“Oh-I-just-remembered, Jou-senpai sent me some files about mantras warding off spirits; maybe I should play that,” Koushiro-san the only children in this pipes up, but he’s clearly rattled too.

“You guys all know I’m the one with the keys for locking up the place, right?” and with that, we all shut up and listen to Takeru-kun’s ghost story.

“Back in her day, St.Agnes was quite the catch. Looks, intelligence and wealth; the maiden from tonight’s tragedy had it all,” he plays with his flashlight, casting shadows and resorting to finger puppets. Takeru-kun makes a few ‘oo’s and ‘ah’s, understanding it’ll take a while for us to get back into the story; but still having his own fun.  
“Everything, except a proper lover,” his expression changes, that babyface becoming serious, he lets the silence grow, “Agnes fell in love with someone she could never be with, turning down the most influential and powerful suitors in her village. This enraged one very important figure, he had the village wrapped around his finger.”

On cue, he pulls out a thread out of his pocket (which ‘conveniently’), a red thread in fact. Takeru-kun twists hit around his finger, looking at it with sorrow, “They would do anything for him...even murder a young girl whose heart belonged elsewhere. The Skies above took pity on her, commending her for her devotion.”  
He stops the audio file on his phone, really coincidentally, Koushiro-san’s file stops too. We look at him, but he truly looks shaken, our resident computer whiz really doesn’t know what happened, “So they gave her a second chance, an opportunity to be reborn; giving her the title of ‘Saint’. But Agnes wanted none of it, reasoning that if she can’t reunite with her original love in the next life; what’s the point? St.Agnes was out for blood, out for vengeance.”

At this point, we’re all immersed. Regardless of whether or not it’s true (it can’t be, right?), we want to hear how the story goes. How Agnes is tied here. Takeru-kun looks around, his face littered with suspicion, but also as if he’s looking for someone. Looking for her, “Years passed, a whole new generation of villagers knew of St.Agnes’ tragedy; but that was it. Until one night, three knights were roaming the grounds, these grounds precisely. In the time between her death and these knights performing their duties, this patch of land was originally a shelter for young maidens; a well-protected sanctuary.”

“To their surprise, there was a new girl, one they’ve never seen before; and were positive no one at the shelter knew about. She had such a pretty figure, a singing voice that of an angel, she roamed about in a white dress,” Takeru-kun reaches out for the costumes he brought. It’s hard to see with the lack of light, even under what little moonlight we have. But for me, one of the costumes is as fresh as snow; while another one is as black as a crow.

“Their first mistake was talking to her, approaching her. They had no clue, but these knights had just crossed paths with St.Agnes herself;now back as a spirit. The details vary,” he takes a seat, tilting his head up at the ceiling, eyes locked on something we can’t see, “But ultimately, these knights faced three separate fates.”  
Takeru-kun holds up one finger, “The first knight got off the easiest. Remember how the Skies took pity on her? Despite her rejecting her title, St.Agnes still held celestial power; a gift for her undying devotion. She led this knight to his future bride, and the happy couple lived; never looking back.”

He holds up a second finger, “Things weren’t looking too pretty for the second knight. No one knew what was on her mind, what caused her to instantly switch moods. But upon communicating with St.Agnes, she devoured him; took him whole and snatched his soul. Some have said, though afraid to say it out loud, did she take him...as a husband? Sure, she didn’t even want to be reborn if her first love wasn’t guaranteed; but who’s to say she wouldn’t pick on another man?”

Takeru-kun becomes silent again, bracing himself and us for the rest of the story. How this all ties together, “The third and final knight, his story is gray. He’s the one who protected those girls, made sure Agnes wouldn’t even lay a finger on their heads. He fought a long battle, both in life and death.”

“Tonight, Lady Luck is not on our side,” Takeru-kun tosses the costumes onto us. At first, I thought he was doing it at random, but I see the look in his eyes. He’s specifically thrown the black attire at Yamato-kun, and the white one at me, “Everyone get changed, quickly.”

We do as he says, because at this point, he’s the one that knows best. When we return, Takeru-kun’s still in his casual clothes, save for putting on a headband and a decorative necklace.  
“Takeru, don’t you want to change? You should be wearing some protective clothing, that’s what these are, right?” Koushiro-san asks, always the first one. But also, he sounded pretty proud, for picking up on the situation and coming up with conclusions.  
“Oh, this has nothing to do with St.Agnes,” Takeru-kun responds cheerfully, swinging his legs like a child, “It’s still Halloween night, thought we could have a bit of fun.”

Immediately, Onii-chan lets out an animalistic shriek, moving forward to straggle Takeru-kun while Yamato-kun and I hold him back; telling him to calm down. 

“Pray tell, why aren’t you part of that original ‘heroic’ team? And why am I left out?” is my question, while also trying my save my best friend’s life.In return, he looks at me with utter fear; and a hint of disgust.  
“...you did not,” his voice becoming raspy, his hand shaking like an old man.  
“Takeru?” Yamato-kun asks, trying to figure out what’s wrong with his brother.  
“What the hell did I do?” I sincerely ask, looking around for answers, but our answers only lie with our unhinged schoolboy.  
“...you made yourself known...you pointed out there are four men-”  
“Are you seriously calling yourself a ‘man’?”  
“Hikari-chan, this is serious!” he shouts back, urgency unraveling itself in his body language and tone of voice, “There are four of us boys! ‘F-o-u-r’, that number’s connected to death!”  
“Agnes sounds European!” I bite back “Why would she even care about Asian superstitions!?” 

“Oh, Hikari-chan, Hikari-chan,” Takeru-kun paces around, clawing at his face, “We need to leave, we have to make a move on.”  
“Wait a minute, if you knew only three boys can be present, why didn’t you tell one of us to stay out?” Onii-chan being the courageous one questions, “And why is Hikari here? What happens when a girl’s present-”

An army of cats shrieks outside of the auditorium, a sound similar to the one my brother made. Everyone except Takeru-kun looks around, wondering if it’s some device or speaker. Nothing, not even my best friend has moved from his place, his fingers still on his face. 

“Okay, everyone, here’s what we do: we need to move. Whatever it is, we can’t stay still. St.Agnes is here, she’s enraged, out for blood. But if we walk around, we may just dodge-”

The ceiling lights that were off all this time slowly turn on, one by one. The auditorium doors creak open, only to slam shut. A woman’s voice echoes in the foreground. Out of everyone, it’s Yamato-kun who screams the loudest, and moves faster than the naked eye; bolting out without even looking back.

“...he has no idea where he’s going. We’ve got to go fetch him.”

This is how our Halloween night goes on, how we got involved with ‘St.Agnes’. They didn’t voice it, but there are definitely things that don’t add up. But for now, our top priority is finding Yamato-kun; praying he doesn’t do anything too reckless. At some point, we decided to split up. At some point, someone suggested we just call him. Someone else says Yamato-kun dropped his phone on his way out. At some point, I’m the one who’s carrying it. Not Onii-chan, not Takeru-kun; I swear even Koushiro-san would be better. But no, me. 

“Hikari,” my brother says on the phone, sounding distracted, “Let’s just meet up at the front gate.”  
“Are you giving up?” I can feel myself uncharacteristically getting angry. Realising this, I cover my phone and take in deep breaths.  
“It's been hours, we’re tired...wait, Koushiro, what are you-”  
“For all we know,” Koushiro-san now voices up, he sounds more exhausted than when he usually does after an all-nighter, “Yamato-san could have gone home too. That's the best-case scenario.”  
“And worse is we go back by ourselves, and he’s all alone?” I say rhetorically.  
“He’ll find his way,” Takeru-kun now interjects, sounding hopeful and kind, “My brother might have peed himself tonight, but he’s not completely out of it. He’ll find his way back, I have a hunch about it.”

Not wanting to deal with them right now, I lie saying I’ll make my way. But really, I keep searching for him.

The night doesn’t seem to end, like it couldn’t end, as I dragged my feet down the hallway. Weird, I’ve walked around Tsukishima High for the past 3 years, a few more before that when Onii-chan and the others were still here; but it all feels so foreign to me. I feel so lost. A shiver goes down my spine, folding my arms together, I had a perfectly warm outfit before putting on this stupid costume. The moonlight seeps through the windows, shadows being cast, and a familiar figure comes around the corner.

“H-Hikari,” Yamato-kun says, a bit startled and remains frozen. I feel a blush creeping up on me and try to cover it up with my hair; I continue walking towards him.  
“Hey there,” I try to say to him as calmly as I can, offering a shy smile. Seeing this, he grins back, and instinctively runs his fingers through his blond locks. I stop just in front of him, realising how quiet the school is now, how we’re the only ones in the hallway.  
“You didn’t go home?” he asks softly, almost like a child.  
“I was looking for you,” I mumble, fidgeting in my place while rubbing my hands up and down my arms. Now that I’m closer, I realise he has his signature leather jacket in his other hand; holding it just over his shoulder like one of those American bikers. Yamato-kun realises what I’ve been looking at and before I know it, he’s draped it over my shoulders; adjusting it so it doesn’t fall off easily. My blush returns and I try to say something, do something to indicate I’m alright. But I end up blurting out nonsense and he warmly chuckles. The night doesn’t feel that cold anymore.

“Consider it my thank you for keeping a young lady out for so long,” he says, his voice sounding dreamy, before resting one hand on his hip. Butterflies form in the pit of my stomach, wanting to be let out. 

“It’s pretty sad though,” Yamato-kun brings up, looking past me, “What happened to Agnes.”  
“She just fell in love, with someone she couldn’t be with,” I add, thinking of my own situation, “Then she got punished, and walked down a dark path.” ‘A dark path’, I mouth to myself, remembering the Dark Ocean.  
“The only happy people were that first knight and his future bride,” he recounts, his tone bittersweet, “How does that happen anyway? Did his bride just appear out of thin air? Was it one of the girls from the shelter?”  
“I don’t know why,” I confess, a foreign sensation bubbling inside of me, “But when I heard that, I’d like to think they first met in a dream. And eventually, they met in real life,” I fiddle with my hair, smiling to myself, “I think that’s rather romantic.”  
“Meeting your future partner in a dream?” Yamato-kun says both as a question and to repeat for himself, “What a story that would be, but that’s all this is. A story, an urban legend.” 

“Yeah, it’s just an urban legend..,” my voice starts to trail off, before forcing a laugh. Yamato-kun looks at me, his mouth twisting and wanting to say something too, but he holds his tongue. The anxiety builds in me, my palms start to get sweaty, should I go for it?  
“But then again, before we got whisked away to the Digital World, everyone thought monsters were just something from horror stories and Hollywood films. To think, all those numbers and weird code stuff, they’d form our digital partners.”

He laughs at my comment, his body language easing up and I do too. That anxiety slowly shifts into a ball of fire, pushing me to do something...different. I guess this is why Onii-chan holds the Crest of Courage, I can’t even tell the guy I like how I feel.  
“I was thinking,Yamato-kun,” I began slowly, his entire attention to me, azure eyes wide and expression gentle. Wait a minute, did I just call him ‘Yamato-kun’? Like, out loud? Crap, say it, say anything before it gets awkward and he notices.

“What’s the matter?” he says first, his voice noticeably lower than it usually is. He has a deep voice, even when he was eleven, but tonight it’s different. I tug at his jacket, taking in his cologne.  
“Would it be too bothersome,” I don’t even know what I’m saying, time seems to stop but also simultaneously move in flashes. Yamato-kun leans in closer, and I feel a rush of emotions surging through me. Those butterflies and that ball of fire collide together, “If I asked you for a kiss?”

Silence settles like snow, a weird combination of regret and feeling like the weight of the world is off my shoulders are coming together in an explosion. He bites his lower lip, eyes shifting side to side, before reaching for my hands. They remain there, our fingers eventually finding each other and interlocking.

“Did St.Anges pay you a visit?” he asks, uncertain of his own question, unsure if he wants to hear my answer. I raise our hands to my chest, resting my forehead against them.  
“Nothing’s taken over me, except for my own feelings,” I admit, my throat going dry, “I would like to kiss you, but I wanted to ask first. Make sure if you would like that too.”

Freeing one of his hands, Yamato-kun places it on the crown of my head, rubbing it affectionately. Until his fingers trace my face, stopping at my chin and lifting it up. His azure eyes gaze into mine, everything we’ve been through, everything from that first summer day all those years ago; I see them being replayed in his eyes. Once again, his shade of blue rivals the clearest of Skiest; they would put the Ocean to shame with how captivating they are. He leans forward first, our lips so close, the slightest movement would cause them to touch. Yamato-kun stops, as if questioning if this moment is real or a memory from a dream. 

“I’d only kiss you if you want me to.”

I whisper, reminding him, before he presses our lips together.

At first, it felt like he was just hovering, just a gentle peck; still unsure if this moment truly is taking place. But as he closes his eyes, his lips grow more comfortable, more assertive. With my free hand, I cup the side of his face too, before moving down slightly to caress his neck. I can feel his pulse against the palm of my hand, realising I was tiptoeing before he holds me down, realising how much he’s towering over me. Our interlocked hands finally break free, only to rest on another part of each other’s bodies; radiating heat and lovingly stroking each other's skin.

Yamato-kun pulls back briefly, taking in a good breath of air. Our faces are coloured like a ruby-rose, our breath visible in the autumn air. This time, I initiate the kiss, my lips resting on his like a butterfly’s wings; before growing hungry for more. One of Yamato-kun’s hands places itself on my lower back, pushing me forward even more. While his other arm wraps itself around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. 

He bites my lower lip and I instinctively let out a muffled moan; that mild blush from before now completely colouring my entire face a dark shade of scarlet. Taking my hands, I place them on his hair; half running my fingers through them and half grabbing on for support. But I couldn’t fall, not when Yamato-kun’s holding me like this. He pulls out again,the two of us panting for air and eyes locked in an unyielding gaze. We soften our grip onto each other, but still hold on, as if making sure; for the last time, that this truly, with a hundred percent, is real. 

“Thank you for making my first kiss such a good one,” I say to him in a whisper, taking in what just happened; as his dreamy eyes widen and his expression that of embarrassment.  
“T-that was your first kiss?” he asks shakily, making sure he wasn’t hearing things. Great, now I’m feeling shy. But also incredibly happy, euphoric even, so I put on a smile.  
“I just had my first kiss with Yamato Ishida,” I confirm, and he looks taken aback, before I see a smile curving on his lips. The ones that were just locked in a kiss with mine.  
“So you and Takeru really never dated,” he says, confirming for himself as that boyish smile widens, “Not that people who date necessarily need to kiss.”  
I chuckle at his words, resting my cheek against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. I ask myself, is he beating for me? “And not that people who kiss necessarily need to date either,” reminding myself of the reality. 

He goes silent, one of his hands shaking before finding itself on my head, gently cupping it, “Yeah,” he says with such defeat, “But this was a special evening.” Yamato-kun’s voice picks up once more, a hint of joy hidden in the melancholy, “Thank you for letting me be your first kiss, and asking for permission.”

Why did I say that? I’ve been so good at keeping these thoughts to myself, for all these years. Even when I finally had the courage to ask him, have the courage to make a move: I had to wrap up the evening with that. No, I know why I brought that up. 

It’s because I’m still doubting myself if Yamato-kun sees me that way, even after that kiss. 

(A few minutes later)

“...and hear this, the Eve of St.Agnes doesn’t even take until 20th January-it’s Halloween!” Koushiro-san’s statement stops Yamato-kun and I from walking, the two of us frozen. As agreed, everyone’s gathered at the front gate. Better than expected, I found Yamato-kun. Something no one would think could ever happen: we were just holding hands. That is, until now, quickly pulling apart and awkwardly fumbling with our clothes.  
“Oh thank God, guys, they’re here!” Onii-chan’s the first to notice us, informing the two boys. Koushiro-san’s still immersed in his laptop, while Takeru-kun flashes me a sly smile.  
“I never said the story was ‘real’,” my heart sinks at that last word, I become lightheaded. Yamato-kun staggers in his place, mouth agape.  
“Well, you did tell a captivating ghost story,” Koushiro-san admits, blinking his sleepiness away, “But next time, tell it truthfully! Your made-up version and what really happens are worlds apart!”

Our devilish writer and exhausted computer whiz shout at each other, at most it’s a friendly banter. I peer at Yamato-kun, his face blushing hard, and he looks back at me. What just happened, that was us. No vengeful spirit, no urban legend-that was entirely us. Hold on, that’s not right either. It was me, I was the one who initiated.

I actually asked Yamato Ishida to kiss me, and he returned my request.

Onii-chan makes his way towards us, his best friend standing straighter while I fiddle with the leather jacket. My brother looks at us, as if inspecting us, then he smiles.  
“Oh Yamato, thanks for lending your jacket to Hikari. You know how easily she gets sick. If there was any knight present tonight, it’s you, dude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is genuinely the first time I’ve written a kiss scene in all my years of writing. Lmao I even did research to make sure I wasn’t talking out of my ass
> 
> A big inspiration for this was this scene in Tri where they’re at the school telling ghost stories; so lowkey that but YamaKari focused. (S/O to that ep of SVTFOE that was about the ‘Blood Moon Ball’, that was a big inspo too)  
> I’m so sorry to the 5% that actually knows the story behind St.Agnes, obviously I know & it was so hard making a sort of creepypasta out of that (well creepy for the kids).  
> I even had my boyfriend, cousin & friend help proofread my notes if Takeru’s version of St.Agnes made any sense
> 
> PS. Writing these author’s notes & explaining my refs/inspo gives me mad flashbacks to ‘showing my drafts’ from doing my Creative Writing course at uni. Ugh, do I miss it so much


	5. Two Halves of the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Taking place after Chp 3, when Yamato first proposed to Hikari they work together creatively
> 
> Head's up, prolly grammar & spelling mistakes galore  
> (Like for real I was up until 4am writing this. Two days after uploading it & I'm still finding sooo many errors)

[Yamato’s perspective, the weekend]

“Why don’t you come on in?” I say to her as calmly as I can. Hikari looks a bit hesitant, I lean back, worried if I’ve intimidated her. But she puts on her signature smile and enters the apartment, walking right into her second home. I let her make her way as I follow after her, trying my best not to look too hard.

I need to relax, I can relax. I’m a cool dude, the cool musician (god I’m such a loser hyping myself up like this). 

“I really appreciate you coming over,” I say to her, when really, I’m trying not to freak out and linger on my paranoia. Yeah right, it’s not like I’ve spent the last few days replaying that conversation in my head; counting down what would be a reasonable day to call her up.  
“Come on, I need this too,” Hikari reassures me, pulling a seat at the dining table as I make a weird sound. She looks at me, clearly confused but keeping a polite expression; and I pray to any divine power that I’m not blushing.  
“...my equipment’s in the guest room, I thought we could work there,” I say shyly, as Hikari fiddles with her hair and makes her way there.  
“...that’s no problem at all,” she says quietly, her tone different from before.

Okay, calling it a guest room is a bit of an exaggeration. There was a spare room in the Takaishi apartment, mainly used for storage. But around the time my brother became a Middle School student, he wanted an ‘office’, a proper place to write his heart out and get in ‘the zone’. To be fair, some people do need that, the members of this family need that. Whenever I come over, like this one week to look after Takeru; they set up the room and put out an extra futon. Like hell I’d share a room with my brother and it’s a tad awkward staying in my Mum’s. 

Following in after her, I make sure to keep the door wide open as Hikari starts to pull out her own equipment.  
“So, what did you have in mind?” she asks while jokingly pointing her camera at me, I let out a light chuckle.  
“Honestly, I didn’t think we’d get this far,” I settle down by my bass, fiddling with it as I tap my feet, “But whenever Takeru has one of his writer’s block things-”  
“-he says the best thing to do is just write anything, get it out there,” Hikari finishes, sounding so pleased with herself. I can’t help but smile, they really do know each other like the back of their hand. Suddenly, her eyes light up and she points her camera back at me; but now actually working it.

“Woah, I’m not ready for my photoshoot,” I joke, when really I’m trying to keep calm and not be so self-conscious. The tapping of my foot continues, my fingers finding their place on my instrument.  
“Yamato-san, I’ve got it,” I try to mask my expression. Sure, it’s kind of awkward for her to call me ‘niisan’ now, but jumping straight to ‘san’...it’s too formal. But Hikari’s a polite girl, that’s probably just it, “You keep playing, I’ll take photos of you.”

I’m taken aback, “I don’t really have anything in mind.”  
“But you are playing it, right?” Hikari says it like a rhetorical question, “Please, don’t mind me, just continue on with what you’d normally do. Sure, I don’t have a clear vision of these photos yet: how they’re shot, what angle they’re from, if I should add in edits later…”

The first click went off, there was no flash, and with her talking I hardly noticed it. I grow more comfortable with my strumming, find a rhythm with my foot; all the while watching her expression. It’s mostly covered by her camera, but watching Hikari at work, you can tell she loves photography. Her passion is so infectious, I sit up.  
“But I’m still taking photos,” she continues, stopping every once in a while to look through them. She smiles at her camera, her face brightening up the room, and I smile at her. I smile without her knowing, without her seeing it...as it's always been. 

After a few seconds, her smile disappears and a hint of scarlet colours her cheeks. I want to ask what’s wrong; before she looks up with wide eyes and I pretend I wasn’t just looking at her like some sort of creep.  
“I-I think I’ll take photos of the room too,” Hikari informs me quickly, before walking out of the room completely. I lift my head and peer at the door,she’s completely out of sight.

I lied, I did have something in mind, but I couldn’t do it with her right there. It might have been too obvious. Resting my bass on my lap, I reach out for a spare notebook and click on a pen. It reaches the blank page, and I take a deep breath; really registering what I’m about to do. The ink forms words, but they’re not coherent. I really just scribble whatever comes to mind. I mouth what I’ve written, making a conscious effort to stay mute in case she hears me. But then...she’ll hear this song eventually, right?

Christ almighty, I’m at that stage, where I’m writing song lyrics about Hikari. 

I’ve never been like this. Yes, I have written songs about my feelings before. But those were always angry, full of every and all emotions except for...lov-no, no, NO. I can’t even bring myself to say the L-word, but it’s akin to it. At the very least, I can positively say this:

I like Hikari, I’ve liked her for a while now. I like her in a way where she’s not just my little brother’s best friend. I like her in a way where she’s not just another Chosen Child. I like her in a way any boy our age would like her. 

Goddamnit, Yamato, just pull off the bandaid and face up to it: you’ve got a crush on Hikari Yagami. It’s as clear as the skies themselves on a summer’s day. 

I jump in my place as she returns, I try to play it cool as she smiles at me. She sets her camera down, while pulling out a few items from her bag, sorting them out across the floor. From what I can see, they’re pieces of plastic, their colours ranging. But the most common ones come in, “...yellow and green?” I ask out loud, realising a sliver of jealousy is slipping out of me as I say my next words, “...Takeru’s favourite colours.”

Hikari simply giggles back while focusing back on the material, her fingers dancing across the floor. This is disgusting, this pathetic. So what if she has Takeru’s colours? Doesn’t have to mean anything, I shouldn’t care. In fact…  
I put away the notebook and lean back in my place, running my fingers through my hair. What’s wrong with me?

“Say...Hikari,” my mouth starts to move on its own, she looks in my direction. It’s now or never, I already hate myself for this, “Just how long have you and my brother been together?”  
Hikari smiles once more, appearing sad at first, then it becomes bittersweet, “You think that way too, huh, Yamato-san?”  
“What do you mean?” I lean back forward, fully engaged in what she’ll say.  
“I mean, Takeru-kun and I have known each other since forever, we all have,” she puts on a smile, but it’s not natural. I bet Taichi doesn’t even realise it either, that Hikari has this doll-like smile that’s completely different from her real one, “But we aren’t together together. The two of us have never dated.” 

I raise an eyebrow at her, before strumming again on my instrument, but keeping eye contact with her, “You can be honest with me.”  
“I am,” Hikari balls her hands into fists, standing up, “We really are just friends. Takeru-kun’s as important to me as Onii-chan, as important as Tailmon, as important as you-”

She stops, her entire face turning red. I almost ask what’s wrong, before I realise what she was about to say. Hikari puts her hands forward, waving them about frantically, “As important as...Sora-san! And Koushiro-san...oh and Joe-senpai!”  
She squeaks like a mouse before crouching back down, clasping her hands onto her cheeks. Hikari looks at the ground, listing all of the other Chosen Children and their grandmothers; while I put aside my instrument and settle down next to her.

Hikari starts to shake, eyes now fixated at my feet. I move my hands in a way that reaches her view, she stops as I grab onto her tiny hands; pulling them away from her cheeks, “Hikari, will you please look at me?”  
It takes her a while, but eventually, she does. Her mouth slightly agape, her beautiful hazel eyes wide; while I look back at her with a loving smile and eyes that reassure my kindness, “I’m sorry for asking such a difficult question, I didn’t mean to startle you like that.”  
“...no,” her voice is so quiet I have to lean in, and she turns red once more, “That’s not it, it wasn’t that it was a difficult question…”

As she starts to trail off, losing confidence in herself, I hold onto her hands tighter. Hikari now looks at me with wonder, her breathing slowing down; I raise our joined hands to my forehead and rest against them.  
“You’re all important to me too, you know you guys are like my second family,” I’m the one that starts to tremble, my eyes now fixated on the ground, swallowing my words. Until I feel Hikari’s thumb caressing my forehead, playing with my hair, as if encouraging me too. 

Who knew that she could place such a spell on me.

“...I just want to let you know,” I pull away and lock eyes with her again, a blush colouring her face as my heart beats fast, “Hikari...you’re like the Sun of our group. People might think it’s Taichi, and yeah that loser kind of is.”

I manage to get a laugh out of her, sweet. We let our hands fall, but not apart, as they hang between us.

“But you’re something else. You remind me of the Summer, and the joys of youth. When I look at you, I see the human embodiment of peace, of all the wonderful things the world has to offer. You work so hard to make sure everyone’s okay, that they feel loved. You give so much of your light, of your energy, sometimes I wonder if you have any for yourself.” 

I don’t know what took over me, but before I know it, I’m leaning in closer than before; closer than I’ve ever been with her- and rest my head against Hikari’s shoulder.

Crap, wait, what am I doing? Crap, oh God, just move-

She lets go of our hands, and unexpectedly- wraps her arms around my back, fiddling with the fabric of my shirt. I take my hands and rub her arms, before hugging her back. We remain in this embrace, in our own bubble; basking in how unreal it is. But perhaps, we’re also holding onto each other to make sure it is real; that this isn’t some trick by an otherworldly force. 

“I never thought I’d get to hug the Sun,” I confess softly.  
“I alone could never amount to the Sun’s power, how much light it can give to the world,” Hikari responds, her voice gentle and dream-like, “But...if I’m being honest, it feels like I’m the one holding the Sun,” she laughs, and my heart swells up, “So maybe together, we form the two halves of the Sun. Together, we can remind people what Summer’s like even in the Arctic.”  
“I like that idea, I’d like to do that with you.” 

“Sooo, what part of this involves music? Or even photography for that matter?” We both jump at the sound of an unexpected visitor, but this same voice belongs to one of the residents of the apartment.  
“T-Takeru,” I blurt out, quickly removing myself from his best friend, “O-oh, you’re back early.”  
My brother gives a grin that would put foxes to shame, leaning against the door, “I did send you a text,” he lazily points a finger at Hikari, "But I can see you were too busy cuddling ‘the Sun’.”  
“We weren’t cuddling!” I protest and get up, trying to think of anything smart. But let’s be honest, nothing can save that, “-it was to help! Hikari, show him your-”

Hikari hides her entire face in her hands, mumbling away embarrassed. Shoot, if I asked her to show her camera, I’ll never hear the end of it. It’ll be so much worse for her too.

“Sure, sure, you two were ‘working’,” this brat continues to tease us, walking away but making sure we still hear him, “Boy, it sure is hot in here for Autumn. Oh wait a minute, it was just my brother and my best friend cud-”  
“T-Takeru-kun!” Hikari goes after him, tripping in between a couple of steps. Before she leaves the room, she takes one quick look at me.

Maybe I’m seeing things, maybe I’m making this up-  
But I swear, despite her flustered expression, Hikari flashed a cheeky smile at me.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t smiling back. 

I take my mind off things by practicing on my bass, occasionally taking notes when I think I’ve hit a goldmine.Eventually, Hikari comes back to the room, occupied with a call while nervously scratching her chin. It’s refreshing to hear footsteps that don’t shuffle or drag on with every move they make. Especially after living with my Dad and what happens at the university dormitory, Hikari has such light footsteps. I look at her and smile, she tries, before covering her phone with one hand and pulling away.

“It’s Onii-chan,” she whispers and I gesture to hand me her phone.  
“-oh and don’t get me started about this group project. Butting heads with Yamato was more bearable than this,” Taichi goes on, without realising I’m now on the call.  
“Oh gee, I sure miss that too,” I say sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood as Hikari muffles a laugh.  
“What? Yamato?” he asks alarmed, before grunting, “Oh right, you’re taking my sister out on a date.”  
“I-it’s not-” I almost scream, my palms immediately sweaty, Hikari looks at me concerned. I flash her a smile, trying to calm down and covering my mouth, lowering my voice, “You dumbass, it’s not a d-date.”  
“You sound pretty flustered, Date-Boy,” Taichi says so nonchalantly, I want to strangle him.  
“I-” I clear my throat, Hikari continues to appear worried as she reaches out for her phone. I gesture it’s all good, it will be good, giving a more nervous smile, “So, what’s going on? Hikari came back looking pretty frazzled.”

“It’s our folks,” he says, his tone more serious. I put away my instrument and sit up straighter. It’s only now I realise Hikari’s still standing, fiddling with her hands. I pat at the spot next to me, and of course she’d sit down, but I didn’t expect her to sit so close. Hold on, maybe I’m overthinking it. Hikari leans closer, leans into me, her hand cupping her ear. Calm down, get a hold of yourself-she’s just listening. It’s her phone, it’s her brother, it’s about her parents...nothing more, Yamato, you dork. 

“There’s a family emergency up North, so they’ve had to rush there last minute. Hikari might be eighteen, but they’re not comfortable leaving her alone for the night,” he starts to explain.  
“Can’t you come back for a night?” I interject.  
“I was getting there,” Taichi grits his teeth, “There’s a mishmash with my group project, so I won’t be at my place tonight. It’d be pretty awkward to bring her along to their dorm, do you know if Sora’s doing anything tonight?”  
“Why doesn’t she just stay with us?” I suggest, taking his silence as confusion, even Hikari tilts her head, “I mean, Mum’s away, so she can have her room. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if we lent her clothes to change into.”  
“Yamato?” Taichi calls out, his voice sounding less serious but not quite cheerful either.  
“What’s up? We’ll walk her home in the morning too.”  
“Will you be cooking her dinner or taking her out for this date-turned-into-a-sleepover?”

I can hear him grinning at his words before I hang up on the call in annoyance. I mumble how much of an idiot he is and instinctively pocket the phone...before remembering it’s not mine. This is Hikari’s phone, and Hikari’s right here-  
“...um,” she voices up, I whip my head in her direction, my heart beating faster than the second. Hikari realises how close we are too, before pulling back, her face equally flustered. Come on, say something, make her feel better.  
“We’d be more than happy to host you…,” I say without a shred of confidence. I come to my senses and hand her back her phone, my eyes lingering on her reluctant hands before making their way up to see her, “Only if you’d like to though, I can call up Sora as a Plan B.”

Hikari eventually takes her phone back, her soft fingers briefly coming in contact with my shaking hand.I didn’t do it, but I had the thought of wrapping my fingers around hers. I’ve done it before, somewhat...but why do I want to do it again? Idiot, you know why, don’t play the fool. But the bigger question is if Hikari would wrap her fingers back too, if she’d want to be entwined with me. God, you’re so stupid, why the hell would she?

Right?

That’s what I tell myself, as Hikari fully clutches her phone, but her hand is still hovering above mine. I want to say something, before she retracts and giggles.  
“If you did take me out for dinner, what would we do about Takeru-kun? I’d feel bad for leaving him out, but it’d also be awkward if he was third-wheeling us,” Hikari cracks a joke, before I break into a grin, ruffling her hair.  
“Oh but Takeru’s a big boy now, either we find him a date or he’ll just have to find something else to do.”  
“Now that you mention it, there was a group of juniors giggling whenever they crossed paths in the hall. I have their numbers if he’s feeling up to it.”

This, this is how it should be. I’ve never been the nervous type, I’ve always been ‘the cool one’. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself, that’s what everyone looks at me as. But with Hikari, that mask falls apart, I truly become me. Awkward, prone to outbursts (okay, that’s nothing new), but also full of compassion. I want to see Hikari laugh, like she used to when we were kids, things were way more casual back then. Even if we were saving the world and fighting monsters, why does it feel like all those summers ago, I could breathe easier when I was with her?

Not that I’m suffocating now, but my chest tightens. I’m a bit more self-conscious, I worry about her and how she’s feeling. I’m not just looking out for her the way I look out for Takeru. Sure, she’s like family...but there’s more to that. Wake up, Yamato, as if Hikari would ever look at you that way too. 

“Y-Yamato-san,” she calls out to me, timidly tapping on my shoulder. I tilt my head.  
“What’s the matter? Do you need something?”  
“Well, actually,” Hikari fiddles with her hair, “You know how you said you’d lend me your Mum’s clothes?”  
“Oh right, I did,” I get up and gesture with my head, “Why don’t we have a look? Sure we can find something that’ll fit.”  
“That’s the thing,” she rises too, concern was written across her face, “I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing Auntie’s clothes, it would be too rude, especially without her knowing-”  
“Then you can wear mine,” I didn’t mean to cut her off, I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did.I rub the back of my neck and look away, “O-or we can always drop by yours...it’s just an offer, Hikari, you don’t have to take it.”  
“...I don’t mind,” she whispers, facing away from me. But out of the corner of my eye, I can see a bashful smile. 

I point at a bag sitting by the corner of the room, as if unsure of it myself, “M-my clothes are there. The clean ones, that is...nothing too pretty, but will keep you warm for the night.”  
“Honestly, your fashion sense is leagues better than Onii-chan’s,” she says cheerfully, her smile filled with gratitude.  
“I’d be lying if I said Takeru didn’t help.”  
“Really? With all his hats?”

We both laugh, and simultaneously make our way to the bag. In reality, only one of us needs to get the bag. But we still walk together, our hands occasionally brush up against the other; and once we do reach the bag, we do the awkward ‘you go first’. After some more small talk and making fun of Takeru, Hikari settles on an oversized t-shirt and boxers; excusing herself to wash up. 

While she does,I get dinner started. My brother disappears once more, claiming he’s picking up something from the library. God, he’s an awful liar, but I wonder what he's up to. So it becomes the two of us, awkward at first, then we warm up to each other; as we usually do. When she’s not looking, I steal glances at her. God...how cute can she get?

Hikari’s always been cute, but tonight, she appears cuter than she normally is. Okay I’ll admit, it’s the fact she’s wearing my clothes. This is something couples do, right? Even when I was dating Sora, she never wore any of my shirts. Occasionally, I’ve seen Taichi lend a hoodie to his classmates. But that’s because they forgot and wanted to go clubbing; only to face the consequences when it’s 2 am and 10 degrees out. 

As she recounts another story about how their family cat ruined the carpet, I laugh along and lean back in my chair. We’ve always had nights like this, albeit with either Taichi or Takeru present. But once she’s in university, will that change? Hikari has no obligation to stay in Odaiba, she could literally get into any school with those grades.

“Today was fun,” I muster the courage to say, glancing at my half-empty bowl of rice. Hikari’s hand reaches out, hovering over mine. My heart stops, before she finally places it on top of mine, and a flame ignites itself from her gentle touch.  
“I think we both needed it,” she agrees, running her thumb against mine, “It’s been so long since I had anything like that. Onii-chan tells me you hardly pick up your harmonica too.”

I put down my chopsticks, both hands now holding onto Hikari’s, swinging them side to side. Every time I tighten my grip, I feel a rush of fireworks going off inside of me. Hikari returns the gesture by taking my individual fingers, inspecting them before simply holding them. Her hands are so tiny, so soft, but they carry the warmth of a thousand suns.

“Well, that’s just part of growing up,” I joke, “It’s not like I wanted to grow up to be a rockstar. Even when I was a kid, I knew that’d be too unrealistic.”  
She remains silent, before a melancholic smile curves itself on her lips, “I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. But if I’m being honest, what a dream it’d be if I could do a creative course at university.”  
“I suppose that’s why they’re just hobbies.”

We remain static at the dining table, hands interlocked as our dinner remains uneaten. We don’t crack a joke, or get flustered by the fact we’ve been holding hands for what feels like an eternity. But it was a good eternity, I’d go back and experience it again if we didn’t have to wash up the dishes. As she wipes her hands with the kitchen towel, I instinctively pat her head, then play with her chestnut locks. Hikari’s hand finds itself on my cheek, gently stroking it. 

That flame from before still burns, but it’s dimmer, less aggressive. It reminds me of our time in the Digital World, with the campfire and Moon as our only source of light. The Moon would watch over us, as we're watching each other now, silently but with care. The campfire wouldn’t be the warmest thing, but that wasn’t the point. Sometimes, just having each other, and sinking in our communal feelings was more than enough to warm up the night.

“Why don’t we watch a film? We can build a blanket fort in the living room.”

(The next morning)

“You know, the other option was that Hikari-chan could have borrowed my clothes.”

Takeru’s voice causes me to jolt awake, before I hear light snoring. Looking down, I find Hikari sleeping against my shoulder. Looking around, we’ve scattered blankets, DVD casings, and bowls of snacks across the living room floor. Looking at my brother, he simply smiles at me mischievously.

I try to say something, to ‘explain’ what happened, but the brat simply places a finger on his lips. Shushing me, he grabs a blanket and drapes it over the two of us, making sure not to wake his best friend. I’m still taking in what’s happened, what we got up to last night. It’s so serene, but still manages to make my heart flutter. It’s comforting but still demands my entire attention. 

Hikari’s only sleeping next to me, but it feels like I have God’s most wonderful creation resting her head against my shoulder.

Takeru leans in, giving me a wink, “Did you two kids have a fun ‘date night’?”


	6. Longer Than Five Rotations Around the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me 6 chps, but I finally found out how to add italics on AO3
> 
> Timeline : Taking place right after Chp 4, the Halloween Special

[Hikari’s perspective]

“ _When The Sun was made, its soul was split in two_ _  
__Separated in a pair of humans, who on their own,_ _  
__Held only one half of the power and light._

 _Whenever these two collided, it was explosive_ _  
__Their embrace gave birth to a whole galaxy’s worth of stars_ _  
__These little creations burning with their passion,_ _  
__Balls of fire yearning to share their unified desire._ ”

“ _When The Sun was made, it carried with it  
_ _an eternity’s worth of flames. It wasn’t something to be feared,_

 _These flames did not hail from Hell_ _  
__They came with kindness, and found their home_ _  
__In two separate beings. They carried the Sun_ _  
__And if they had the Time amounting to a thousands lives,_ _  
__These beings would have shared their fire across those lifetimes_ _  
__Over and over again until all that remained were smoke and ashes._

_But alas, they did not have a thousand lives, for they were mortal beings_

_Eventually returning to the Earth as smoke and ashes themselves,_

_Mortals they were, but they carried the warmth of the Sun.”_

“ _When The Sun was made, it didn’t want to be too overbearing,_

_In fact, it envied the Moon, and all the mysterious ways_

_it would work in the Night. Before the Sun immortalised itself_

_into those two humans, it made a request with the Moon._

_It requested if the Moon could share its power and divide that too,_

_Sprinkle it onto those wandering souls, to share its elegance._

_The Moon agreed, but it had a fee, and wasn’t shy of sharing it:”_

_“The Moon requested in this lifetime, the next, and what would come after_

_These two halves of the Sun could carry the light of the Moon if, and only if,_

_They never found their way to each other,_

_would never collide as the Universe intended._

_When the Sun asked for the reasoning for this punishment_

_asking the Moon if it knew it was disrupting the balance of Nature itself_

_The Moon simply wept into the humans’ soul, infusing their being_

_with its melancholic tears. Aeons would pass until the Sun got its answer,_

_And when it did, how it shook, how it begged the Moon to turn back time:”_

“ _The two halves of the Sun could never meet_ _  
__Because if God’s most wonderful creations came together,_

 _The World would be robbed of its light, its desire_ _  
__And these two had a responsibility to share that, and not be selfish_ _  
__In keeping it for themselves, to seal away their hearts for the benefit of others._ ”

  
  


Yamato-kun’s recording plays on the local radio once more for the third time today, the station DJ practically singing the vocalist’s name and thanking everyone that requested this song. Well, if you can call it a ‘song’, but that’s very subjective. Out of nowhere, Yamato-kun set up his home studio and recorded this audio; ‘singing’ it softly while the sound of his bass plays in the background. It’s different because he’s on his own, he didn’t release it as part of his band (also because he doesn’t actually have one). 

It’s different because instead of his usual rock-and-roll ballads, this is so _soft_ , I can’t emphasize how different this is from his usual style. He first shared it around his university campus, he’d ask it be played on the dormitory speakers. But word spreads, boy did it spread like wildfire.

‘ _What was this about_?’

Yamato-kun’s made a name for himself for being one of the original Chosen Children, we all have. But he’s always been in the spotlight for being part of a band, being the ‘poster-pretty-boy’. 

At first, people ‘oo’ed and ‘ah’ed, simply enjoying Yamato-kun’s song for what it was. But people wanted to look behind the curtain, ask questions such as ‘ _what is this song about?_ ’ because it’s so cryptic. Most commonly, ‘ _who’s he talking about?_ ’ That’s not to say Yamato-kun’s not a creative person, he could write a purely fictional story as well as the next person. But that’s not him, Yamato-kun’s songs were never ‘just a story’, they carried with them a piece of himself.

Of course, I wondered that too, but I didn’t have the heart to pry.

What was meant to be a simple project by a university student reached all of Odaiba. It came to a point people started requesting his song be played on the local radio (with his consent, of course, albeit hesitantly). Yamato-kun’s song was first released I’d say about a few weeks ago. It’s now past Halloween...past ‘ _that night’_ , and you still can’t go through a whole working day without hearing his song once.

I don’t mind it. In fact, and only when I’m feeling brave, sometimes I’d ask him to play his song again. Not as a recording, but an intimate small performance. If Onii-chan or Takeru-kun were there, they’d tease him first; pretending to be paparazzi and asking interview questions. During these times, he’d appear annoyed and I want to retract my words; but he still plays the song. He still sings, per my request.

Other times and I _really_ have to feel brave, I’d ask him to play it when it’s just the two of us - alone. I’d blush first, fiddle with my hair, and choke at my words...until he pulls out his bass (or improvises with an audio file), and it’s like time stops. During the start of this mini-performance, he’d close his eyes, and I’d do too. But just before I do, Yamato-kun would slowly open his, and I’d find him looking at me. I try not to look back, not to linger, maybe I’m imaging it-

But sometimes, it looks like he’s _smiling at me_ with the warmth of a thousand Suns.

  
  


"Hikari-chan?" Takeru-kun immediately calls out to me after leaving the bathroom. He's here to get some homework done and brainstorm ideas for his next short story. I twist in my seat to let him know I'm paying attention, before he sits down himself. Takeru-kun pros his elbows onto the table, his expression still serious and I'm already bracing myself for the worst, until he gives his signature boyish smirk.

"Sooo, what did you and Aniki get up to during the ' _Eve of St.Agnes_ '?"

I flick a pencil in his direction as he narrowly dodges it, fiddling with my hair so he doesn't see how embarrassed.

"Unfortunately we had to listen to my loser of a best friend tell the worst story in the world," I responded while looking back at my work, he threw an eraser onto my sheet.

"You mean the BEST STORY which got you and my brother talking, thank you very much," Takeru-kun crosses his arms in annoyance, I steal a glance at him as his eyes light up, and I know he's not really annoyed with me,"Speaking of Aniki, you know for his 'cool guy, rockstar' image; he's actually terrible with ghost stories."

I look back at my work, suddenly deciding the French revolution is the most interesting thing in the world; until Takeru-kun waves a pencil within my view. I simply swat him away, collecting myself,"There's a fine line between teasing and bullying, you were so mean to him that night."

"Guess that balances out with how friendly you were with him, huh? Now that I think about it," Takeru-kun has the audacity to place a finger on his chin, tapping it and creating suspense for no reason,"He used to stim. Yeah remember that time in middle school when we joined the older kids-"

"I wonder what loser initiated that."

Takeru-kun kicks me in the shin while nonchalantly whistling, I shoot him a look, "-you couldn't see it, but he was definitely stimming then. He was really scared shitless _that night_ ," he has the nerve to emphasize his last words.

"He was wandering those dark halls all alone...until you came along, Hikari-chan. You know with you there I have to ask, did you help calm him down-"

"Fine, fine! You win," my voice starts to squeak as I slam my hands in the table in defeat, getting up as my ears become hot. Takeru-kun simply looks at me, the devil that he is, tapping away at my embarrassment. I hide my face in hands before slowly opening up my fingers, maintaining eye contact but feeling like a mouse facing a lion," Yamato-san and I,we...your brother and I k-kissed."

Takeru-kun continues to smile, until his head tilts to the side and his eyes widen in shock. He lifts a shaking finger at me,"...kissed?"

I bury my face deeper and turn in another direction,"Why do you have to repeat it? It's so embarrassing."

"Hey, you're the one locking lips with my bro-"

I rush over to his side of the table, briefly tripping, before grabbing onto his shoulders and frantically shaking them. Takeru-kun breaks into a muffled laughter, the kind where he can't breeze and has to shut his eyes. Eventually, he calms down as his phone rings. While Takeru-kun’s answering that, I earnestly try to think back to school and work; until he hands me his phone unexpectedly.  
“It’s your _boyfriend_ .”  
  
I finally gave him that smack in the head, as he pretended that was painful and he didn’t see it coming. I take his phone and grumble how his brother and I are _definitely_ not dating before picking up the phone.  
“Hikari?” Yamato-kun asks timidly, but his voice still sends shivers down my spine.  
“That’s my name,” I try to say to him as casually as I can, my best friend making faces at me and I swat him away like a fly.  
“Listen, I know you’re with Takeru now,but could you please do me a really big favour...but also no stress if you can’t, I know you’re in the middle of-”  
  
The young Takaishi grabs his phone back, taking me by surprise as he tells the older Ishida: “Just ask her to come over to your place like a normal person, you dork.”

  
  


(An hour later)

  
“ Someone came here sooner than expected,” he gives me a charming grin, an apron still wrapped around his waist and he holds the door open.  
“When I heard you were cooking, I just had to leave,” I joke while excusing myself, taking in a breath as I enter his university room. My first time at Yamato-kun’s place, not Takeru-kun’s apartment, not even the flat he used to share with their dad. Yamato-kun’s own place.  
“Well when you head home later, would you mind packing some leftovers for Taks? I mean he’s cool with it, but I did abruptly end your study session,” he closes the door behind us, and my heart beats faster.  
  
I do a quick scan of his place, goddamnit I can’t take it all in. No, hold your horses, Hikari. You might be here for an hour or two, if you’re lucky, maybe it’ll last until the night. Relax, remember why you’re here. He needs your help. Yamato-kun flashes me another grin and I smile back, he sets his apron aside while cleaning up some dirty pots in the kitchen. Onii-chan must have been here about a billion times, maybe a thousand for Takeru-kun. But for me, it’s the first, no surprise there.

I have a mental battle if I should settle down on the floor or it’s alright to sit on his bed. But as I’m doing so, I didn’t realise my purse has fallen off my shoulder...and my whistle comes rolling out. Yamato-kun takes notice of this, an expression of fascination written across his face while I become ever more self-conscious.  
“O-Oh! Tailmon must have left that in there, silly her,” I poorly cover up, thinking of picking it up until he does so himself. As he inspects it, I feel my insides turn themselves inside out...but then he smiles, and I find myself smiling too. _Smiling at him_ .  
“I bet she misses it, considering we haven’t seen the Digimon in months,” he adds to my white lie and hands me back my whistle. I take it graciously, being careful not to touch his skin before I instantly burn up with embarrassment.  
“Okay, it’s like a comfort item for me. I can’t go anywhere without it.”  
“Guess that makes the two of us.”  
  
Yamato-kun sits down on his bed, gesturing for me to join him. I do so, fidgeting at first, until he pulls out his harmonica. Without skipping a beat, he plays it, and I find I’m home again. I’m at Yamato-kun’s home, to me, he is the human embodiment of home. This is so serene, like a clear blue sky after the storm. All the tension that’s been building up, it just melts away.  
  
He continues to blow at it, his fingers working the instrument while tapping his feet in rhythm. I doubt he remembers it, but there were a couple of times when I asked him if I could play his harmonica. The first few times I was just a kid, when we first went to the Digital World. But the times that came after, that was a meek attempt to bond with him. I bet he realised that, how could he?  
  
But the thing is, he didn’t seem that surprised. He wasn’t angry, nor annoyed. Yamato-kun would let me play, whenever I asked, whatever the mood was. He’d teach me too, he was so patient, so accommodating. I used to joke maybe he should open a music school, and he’d joke back. Not in the snarky way he’d joke with my brother or tease with his brother; I notice that when Yamato-kun jokes with me, it’s different. No, Hikari, you’re pulling things out of your ass again. You’re imagining it, you’re reading too much into the situation.

  
That would be the case, if it weren’t for what Takeru-kun said earlier.  
  
Sure, he said it in a joking way, calling Yamato-kun ‘my boyfriend’. When I had that last minute sleepover a few weeks ago, even Onii-chan called our get-together a ‘date’. There’s nothing more to that, they’re just saying things.Then again, it’s one thing to say something...and do something about it.

Like when I kissed him, and Yamato-kun kissed me back.

  
  


“You know, the other night, when we had that first _k-kiss_ ,” I rushed out that last word, like pulling a bandaid, it’s just something that has to happen quickly. Yamato-kun responds with an unusual sound, before encouraging me to continue my words.  
  
I think I’m becoming lightheaded, my face falls to my palm; I avoid eye contact with him until his hand reaches out for mine. It’s a gentle touch, softer than a butterfly landing. But he finds the courage to wrap a few fingers around mine; and I grab onto his back. We remain like that, a tango of slight embarrassment and overwhelming joy; the warmth of this touch reaching our toes. This, this is what it felt like when we kissed.  
  
“There’s probably a more elegant way to say this, but that night,” I’m starting to lose courage again, until Yamato-kun starts to hum. No, he’s been humming for a while. It’s after my fleet of anxiety I can hear him, I can hear so many things aside from the voices in my head. Being with Yamato-kun, at first it’s scary, but when I take the time to evaluate the situation and actually be with him; I find myself feeling so calm.  
  
“I enjoyed sharing that kiss with you, it's been on my mind ever since. Sometimes, and this usually comes when I’m alone at night-sometimes I wish I can _kiss you again_.”

I said it, it came from my mind, from my heart, and is out in the open for Yamato-kun to hear. I finally lift my head, my blushing cheeks losing their colour; then I see him smiling. Instantly, I turn red once more, but a lighter shade. His smile is wonderful, you feel like you’re looking at a happy puppy. But it’s also so alluring, a smile I’ve only dreamt could be the reason for many sleepless nights. 

He leans in, his azure eyes locked with mine, until our foreheads touch, “Hikari,I wish I could kiss you too. You’ve lived in a very hidden part of my spirit, a part that sometimes, I’m afraid to visit myself. And it wasn’t just on Halloween night, you’ve been there for longer than just two or even _five_ rotations around the Sun.”  
The implication that he’s held these feelings for years that could match up with mine is what gives me the push to say this, “I’ll go for it if you don’t.” 

A flame is ignited the moment our lips touch. Letting go of my hand, Yamato-kun uses his to caress and rub my forearm, electricity starts to run through me. I take my now free hand and place it onto his chest, giving a few strokes before clutching onto his shirt. Yamato-kun continues to kiss me fiercely, while making sure his hands make me feel secure. Every time he finds a new spot to hold, the warmth of his touch is something even the summer Sun couldn’t beat. 

I pull back momentarily, giving us a moment to breathe as his heavy eyelids tell me he’s hungry for more. Feeling bold, I climb onto his lap and fully straddle him; his azure eyes widening as I lean in once more. We take another moment to get used to our new position, for me to fully register what I just did. Hikari, you’re actually sitting on Yamato Ishida’s lap, your thighs just loosely wrapped around his hips. 

I flutter my eyelashes at him, one hand grabbing onto his neck, while the other one cups his face. His entire face, reaching his ears and down to his neck is a shade of crimson red as he holds onto my hands; our fingers interlocking again. Yamato-kun cranes his neck so he can plant a tender kiss on my collarbone, but it’s enough to send shockwaves to my toes and I muffle a moan. Throwing my head back and shutting my eyes as Yamato-kun reaches for my back, ensuring I’m supported; before continuing his work. 

He leaves a trail from my collarbone up to my neck, moving slowly and ensuring every time his lips touch my skin; it’s sure to leave a lasting impression. I run my fingers through his hair, breath in his shampoo and cologne, whispering his name with every little thing he does. At some point, Yamato-kun rests his lips against my collarbone once more; but he doesn’t kiss them as ferociously as he did just now. They simply rest there, _he_ rests there, as his arms tighten around me for a hug. His breath is hot against my skin as he has something to say. 

“I don’t want to move too fast with you, Hikari,” Yamato-kun’s voice is deeper than usual, but how soothing it sounds like honey. I play with his hair while caressing his jaw, he takes in another breath; perhaps taking in this moment too, “I want to be gentle with you, and I don’t just mean _fooling around_ like this.” 

His words leave an impact before I remember what I said that night. ‘People who kiss don’t necessarily need to date’, bullshit. Of course you want to date him, of course he’d mean more to you than just a boyfriend. But he’s respecting that, he’s going along with what you’re initiating. How could you not fall in love with that? How could you not love Yamato Ishida, now he’s literally wrapped around your arms?  
  
I hug him back, fighting the urge to cry, taking in this magical moment too. A moment that came straight out of a dream; but you feel it on your skin as it lingers across your lips and how your bodies create their own pocket of warmth.

“It’ll be a few months away, I know that might seem like a long time,” he continues, letting each word sink as he musters the courage to say them too, “But until you’ve officially graduated, and you’re actually a university student...I’d like us to wait together until then. And of course, if you’re still interested in taking it a step further by that time.”

I can’t help but giggle at his words, his mannerisms, what he’s doing for me. I’m not giggling because it’s funny, but because it’s so endearing, it’s so like him. The same boy who put up glass walls and kept his distance, look what he’s grown into. Look _who_ he grew up to be. My hands find themselves on his cheeks, stroking them before I pull his face back; his melancholic eyes gazing right into my soul as I wear my most sincere smile. The one that says I’m at peace, I found Heaven on Earth; and it’s with Yamato-kun. 

“Pray tell, what exactly do you mean by ‘taking it a step further’?” I tease him as his eyes widen and he looks away embarrassed. I push back the hair on his forehead and a plant of kiss of my own, I can feel his hot breath whispering something.  
“Yamato-kun,” I call out to him, continuing to press my lips against his forehead; as if it’s a way to engrave my words into his mind, “I can’t begin to express how lucky I am, how I’m so grateful, that you’re so chivalrous.”  
“I’m just making sure I’m doing the right thing,” he whispers back, now kissing my shoulders, “I want to make sure you want this too, and anything we might do, we’ll do it safe. We’ll do it on _your_ terms.” 

‘My terms’? This is it, Hikari, don’t screw it up. Be honest, tell him what you really feel. You've made it this far, after all these years, you can say it. You know you’re not the only one too, look at how he’s holding you, just listen to the words he’s said. Everything you and Yamato-kun just did, it was so intimate, things you’ve only ever read in a novel.  
  
“Well then,” I begin, as he lifts his head, and I look at him with a bittersweet expression, “Until we can officially be friends with benefits, I’ll have to steal a kiss or two,” I reach for his cheek once more, my fingers trembling as my lie settles in, “Thank you, this...this has been, you’ve been...absolutely charming.”  
  
 _No_...you’re supposed to say you love him. That you want to be with him, not just for messing around. You've loved him for as long as you’ve known him, why can’t you say that?

Why can’t you be honest about who you love, to who you love?

Something disappears from his azure eyes, that hope. His mouth twitches, before he forces a grin, swallowing whatever he wanted to say. Even his grip around you is loose, you can feel his arms wanting to hold onto you tighter; try to tell you in every other way how he feels. But he can’t, he won’t. Yamato-kun won’t push anything he thinks you don’t want, you don’t feel, but you _do_. God, do you ever. The worst part is, and you just got your confirmation-he feels the same way too. He has those feelings, I can’t say for certain they’re love, he’s probably more experienced to say that. 

But Yamato Ishida, the Chosen Child who bears the Crest of Friendship; has feelings for you, Hikari Yagami, the Chosen Child bearing the Crest of Light. You just had to tell a white lie and break his heart when you’re both so close to admitting that.

“I’ll be gentle with you until then, and even after, and long after that. I’ll always make sure you’re comfortable, Hikari.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Canonically, I don't believe they've ever stated when the Chosen Children's birthdays are (at least to my knowledge). This AU takes place in Autumn.  
> My headcanon is that Hikari was born during Spring (already 18) & Yamato's a Winter child (can't decide if he's alright 21 or turning)


	7. A White Knight from Heaven

Ever since that first night I stayed over at the Takaishis, my parents have had to make a couple of last-minute trips here and there. Sometimes, they’d be gone for entire days. Leaving me, a high school senior, alone at our apartment. We’ve been fortunate enough to have a few relatives come over to check up on me. Occasionally Onii-chan would too, cracking a joke about how he should move in again. Even Sora-san and Auntie Natsuko have offered for me to stay at their places respectively. I couldn’t be more grateful they’re all looking out for me, but there has been one person being extra protective. 

We’re not exactly keeping it a secret, but we’re also not broadcasting it for the entire world to hear.On some nights when my parents leave me alone, I head over to Yamato-kun’s dorm, and spend it with him until the next dawn. We set up rules: I would take the bed, while he gets the futon. We’ve considered just staying at my apartment, after all, it was like a second home to him when Onii-chan still lived with us. But ever since that second kiss, we’ve been going to his; and we’ve grown comfortable with that. 

Yamato-kun and I have grown more comfortable with each other, adapting to our daily routines and little quirks. On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, he’d be booked with class. Though since Friday is just around the corner from the weekend, if his professor is feeling generous; he’ll let them go early. On Mondays and Thursdays after school, Takeru-kun still holds his writing workshops for the juniors; and I’d accompany him. After that, whether we head back to my apartment or his, Yamato-kun would ‘coincidentally’ be there. He’d say he came over to see their Mum or pick up something for Onii-chan, but his younger brother would give us a wink before saying ‘he has something to do’.

We’d be left to our own devices once more, just _two friends_ enjoying each other’s company. I know that might seem like an understatement, especially with how things have been turning out lately, but that’s the truth of the matter. On a good day, we’d collaborate on our creative passions or bounce ideas off each other. But on the bad days, the ones where I’m missing my parents and can’t help but worry if they’re okay; I cling onto Yamato-kun. 

I don’t exactly throw my arms around him, but I realise I’ve been resting my head against his shoulder; or reaching out for his hand. He’d respond back, if he’s timid, he’ll just pat my head like we’re kids. But if the mood is different, and we both realise we’re already young adults; he’ll wrap me up in his arms and hold me until my tears are nothing more than dried streaks on my face. Yamato-kun holds me like I think the world’s about to end, but how he reassures me it won’t. Even if it does, he promises he’ll still hold me in his arms long after the lights die out.

  
  
  


That’s where we are now, a lazy afternoon in his dorm, Yamato-kun sitting at a right angle on his bed, and me laying on my stomach on top of his legs. He strums away at his bass unplugged, occasionally taking down notes while looking at me. I look back, one hand going through my camera and the other flipping through my language textbook. We smile at each other, wondering how Paradise could compare to moments like these.

An unexpected knock on the door causes the both of us to jump. I immediately get off his legs and straighten my clothes, while Yamato-kun grumbles half in annoyance and half in embarrassment; answering his door. We find another surprise waiting for us.  
  


A familiar yellow reptile covered in wolf-like fur and my favourite white feline cooly greet us at the door, before the duo of our respective brother’s more childlike Digimon partners come marching in.  
“Gabumon, have you eaten?” Yamato-kun asks his friend, his older brother instincts coming in.   
“Tailmon, you should have called!” I welcome my companion with open arms, the two of them respectively hugging us.   
“Eh? No fairrr, Yamato and Hikari look way more excited!” Agumon moans, stomping his feet like a child.   
“Yeah, when Takeru first saw me, he wasn’t smiling like you two!” Patamon adds, pouting. Takeru-kun soon emerges with my brother, the two of them petting their Digimon.   
  
“That’s because we were surprised, of course we’re glad to meet you guys,” Takeru-kun explains, his smile kind before it becomes an impish grin. He looks at the two of us, and suddenly we look at anywhere but each other, “But you know, some of us just _happen_ to be in a _better mood_ than others.”   
Onii-chan tilts his head, a question forming beneath that squirrel's nest of hair as he pulls out a snack for Agumon, “Yeah, it’s _weird_ . Gabumon knew you’d be at your dorm, Yamato, that makes complete sense.” He finally looks at me, his stare riddled with confusion as I feel like I’ve been caught red-handed, “But Tailmon insisted you were here too, Hikari. Like, she’s not wrong, but _why_ is that?”

We both remain silent, but the longer we stay that way, the more suspicious it looks. All eyes are on us, the Digimon partners looking up (down in Patamon’s case since he’s flying) at us like curious cats, Takeru-kun just grinning at us (this idiot), and Onii-chan’s still waiting for an answer.  
  
“If you have time to chat, you have time to make a move on too!” Koushiro-san’s voice comes out from one of the boys’ phones, Onii-chan pulling it out from his pocket, “Yamato-san, Hikari-san, we’ll fill you in as we go. But there’s a wild Digimon on the streets, and the five of our Digimon are the only ones that can stop it! Kabuterimon’s already on the scene, but there’s only so much he can do.”   
“We’re on our way, Koushiro,” Onii-chan responds while everyone else is running to the nearest escalator.   
  
“Hikari?” Tailmon catches my attention, and I realise I’ve been staring at Yamato-kun during the entire run.   
“Hmm? Something wrong?”   
“Be honest with me, _is Yamato your mate_ ? Oh wait, humans don’t use that term. But it’s close to that, right?”   
  
I nearly have a heart attack until the first bystander screams and an explosion goes off in the distance. 

  
  


(An hour later)

  
The city continues to be flooded with chaos and panic, and the enemy Digimon continues to grow in numbers. I hold on to Nefertimon for dear life, the boys shouting all sorts of orders and updates through the phone. But from the corner of my eye, a ray of light is aimed at my partner; and before I can warn her, she’s attacked.   
“Nefertimon? Nefertimon!” a light emits off her body before she digivolves back to Plotmon, as I hold her close to my chest for dear life. Poor thing’s unconscious, her breathing slowing down as I scramble for ideas. We were literally up in the clouds just now, and if we continue falling, we’ll eventually meet our maker.

My stomach drops and I become lightheaded, _what can I do_ ? Wait, my phone. Even if the others are scattered, someone must be close, right? I quickly wipe my hand on my clothes to dry off my sweaty palms; while still trying to wake up Plotmon. Shaking, I pull my phone up to my face and try not to scream bloody murder.   
“G-guys, Nefertimon got knocked out, and she’s back to Plotmon!” I’m almost on the verge of tears, watching as we get closer and closer to the ground, “S-she’s not waking up!”   
“What!?” Onii-chan’s the first to respond, he shouts a profanity at MetalGreymon, “Hikari, where are you!?”   
“Taichi-san, we’re nowhere near her!”Takeru-kun answers, and unfortunately, he’s true, “I’m up in the air with Pegasusmon and I can’t see them anywhere!”   
“I’ll send Kabuterimon your way!” Koushiro-san offers, but his voice is shaking too, “J-just wait a moment, try to-”   
“Guys, I appreciate the moral support, but there’s literally _nothing_ to break my fall! Plotmon, Plotmon _please wake up_.” 

Everyone starts to bark orders, I can faintly hear Takeru-kun praying. I have trouble breathing and consider repositioning myself. But no matter what body part I land on, I’m going to inevitably _break something_ . I hold onto my Digimon partner tighter, keeping my phone close to me to try to scramble together something, _anything_ . I’m so scared, my heart’s going to jump out of my mouth, I can’t do this. I’ve saved the world, but I’ve done it with the other Chosen Children. No one’s coming, they won’t make it in time. Is this really how I’m going to-   
  
“HIKARI-CHAN,” the voice of a familiar blonde screams at the top of his lungs. Appearing like a saviour from the Heavens, WereGarurumon jumps out of nowhere, with Yamato-kun riding on top of him with his arms fully stretched out.   
“Y-Yamato-ku…-san!” I reach out, keeping one hand steady on Plotmon, but truthfully, the other one shakes in fear. He finally grabs hold of me, I can let out a sigh of relief, my head clears itself of that fear. Yamato-kun pulls me close, then uses his other arm to draw us to his chest. If I thought my heart was beating fast, his is going like a jackhammer.   
  
Yamato-kun’s azure eyes remain on Plotmon and I, his gaze unwavering even with everything that’s happening around us. It wasn’t the quietest of falls, but WereGarurumon isn’t the smallest of Digimon as he lands on his feet (well, paws I guess). He grabs hold of the three of us like it’s nothing, stares at his partner for a moment; before running ahead to take care of the enemy Digimon.   
  
Yamato-kun still has his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight as if I could fall again; even when we’re already on the ground. His breathing is erratic, his shirt drenched in sweat; and then I look at his beautiful face. From his azure eyes all the way to his cheeks, there are streaks of _dry tears_. He was crying, Yamato-kun was crying about-

He finally lets me go, realising what he’s doing, his entire body reacting in shock. My knees are still shaky, but Yamato-kun drops to his knees first; his mouth agape and still gazing at me. A familiar yet mysterious sensation sits within me, as I free one of my hands and run it through his golden locks. I simply play with his hair first, before pulling his head and resting it against my body. I bend down and plant a brief kiss on the crown of his head; Yamato-kun responds by grabbing onto my sides and choking back a sob.   
  
“Thank you for catching our fall and rescuing us in time. Onii-chan was right, you are like a white knight, Yamato-san. _My white knight_ .”   
  
Yamato-kun cries into me as I send a thankful prayer to the Skies above.

  
  


[Yamato's Perspective.Another hour later.]

I called her _'chan'_.

Takeru calls her 'chan' since they're best friends.

Sora and the other girls call her 'chan' since well, they're girls.

But I haven’t called her ‘Hikari-chan’ since forever. Since I realised I was catching feelings for her.

After making sure the giant monster portion was over, the police and ambulances came to the scene. After saving her, Hikari met up with Takeru; she emphasized how grateful she was that I saved her and Plotmon. I eventually came across Taichi as we worked on the highway and places where the most damage would occur. We stay for another half an hour, making sure everything is alright, but staying far away from any paparazzi. 

Tsunomon and Koromon come bouncing our way, excited for celebratory late lunch they’ll get. We tell them what a great job they did, apologising that after not seeing each other for so long, the first thing we had to do was work. The four of us receive another group call from Koushiro to gather at his office. Nowadays, we haven’t got together like this like we used to. In fact, the last time all five of us came together was during Halloween night; _that night_. 

I blush from the memory of it and hide my face so Taichi doesn’t become a noisy idiot about it. But Tsunomon notices, how couldn’t he? As Taichi and Koromon race each other to the elevator, my Digimon partner fidgets under my arm; I sigh.  
“Okay, what’s up? Spit it out,” I say to him, but still scratch under his chin.   
“I should be saying that to you,” he responds, enjoying the scratch but looking up at me, a mixture of curiosity and a contemplative face, “Yamato, you’re a bit different from when we last met.”   
“Well, guess the stress of uni is getting to me,” I joke while pressing the elevator button, realising Taichi and Koromon decided to take the stairs like the energetic idiots they are. Wonder how long it’ll take them until they give up.   
  
“You don’t have to tell me now, but eventually I think you should let it out,” Tsunomon comments, pressing deeper into my side, “There’s something new about you. No, it’s always been there. But now, I think you’re slightly more open about it to yourself. You’re just not open about it to the people around you, especially the person you’re feeling these things about.” 

I’m not embarrassed by his words, but I still feel like covering up my real reaction. I tap him on the horn until the elevator reaches Koushiro’s floor; and my heart skips a beat upon seeing _her_ again. Hikari turns around when she notices us, smiling sweetly. Plotmon’s face lights up and she hops into our direction; I kneel down to pet her after getting out of the elevator.   
  
“Tsunomon, Yamato, thank you for saving us early!” she says cheerfully, jumping up and down like a real puppy. I smile back as Tsunomon wiggles out of my grasp and plays with his fellow Digimon.   
“Was I cool? Was I like a Superhero?” even my partner can’t help but fish for compliments.   
“The absolute coolest,” Hikari answers, crouching next to me to scratch Tsunomon’s chin like a pet, “Plotmon’s been wanting to thank you both ever since she woke up.”   
“You’re very welcome, young lady,” I respond warmly. Hikari looks around.   
“Where’s Onii-chan and Koromon?”   
“Those idiots wanted to race up the stairs. How about Takeru and Tokomon?”   
“They went to grab dinner, Takeru-kun said lunch’s on him.”   
  
“Tentomon, I thought I told you to let me know when they arrive!” Koushiro’s voice catches us off guard as his office door opens.   
“But, Koushiro-san, you were so engrossed in your work!” Tentomon says timidly, and I feel sorry for him.   
“I know, both we have guests _over_ ,” our computer whiz says through gritted teeth as we walk into his air-conditioned office. Our Digimon flock towards Koushiro, and even he can’t help but stop working to pet them.   
“Pardon our intrusion,” Takeru says while carrying takeout bags, as the others join us on cue; Taichi and Koromon out of breath. 

Everyone starts to settle down, washing up and changing out of our sweaty clothes. We open containers and bring out drinks, Koushiro’s even kept a few beers for Taichi and I on standby. Especially with the Digimon around, this was a much-needed reunion. It’s a fairly stress-free gathering (minus the Digimon making a mess), until Plotmon hops onto my lap, staring at me.  
  
“P-Plotmon!” Hikari picks up her partner, sounding flustered like an embarrassed parent, “I’m so sorry, Yamato-san, I don’t know what got into her.”   
“But Hikari,” Plotmon protests, sounding like a child despite being one of the most emotionally mature Digimon (even after the reboot), “You said you were really excited to have Yamato’s cooking again, I was going to suggest he cook one of your favourite dishes-”   
  
The younger Yagami lets out a screech and immediately covers up her Digimon’s mouth. If no one was paying attention to us before, they have now. _That’s right_ , it was my turn to cook dinner tonight. A dinner just for Hikari and I. I let out a cough in embarrassment and reached out to pet Plotmon, trying to think of something fast.   
  
“O-oh! You mean you must miss my cooking, Plotmon. You don’t have to bring Hikari’s name into this. Let’s see, actually, would you prefer dog or cat food?” I try to joke, and no one’s buying it.   
“No, I said what I said,” Plotmon reaffirms although her mouth is still muffled. Taichi’s the first to get up, and my head non-discreetly flies in his direction; all my tension releases itself as he walks over to the mini-fridge.   
“Yooo, we haven’t had Yams’ cooking in a while,” he comments cheerfully, and I let out my breath. Albeit, annoyed at the nickname he gave me.   
“Yeahhh, I bet Hikari-chan hasn’t had it in a longgg time,” Takeru adds between laughs, and only Tokomon looks at him. Although if I had to bet, it’s probably because he has the last chicken nugget. 

Everyone continues to talk amongst themselves, the Digimon munching louder than ever. Hikari eventually lets her partner go, sitting down again and taking in a deep breath. I walk over in her direction, pretending I’m heading to the bathroom, before quickly leaning into her ear and whispering.  
“You know I’ll always cook for you. Whatever you what, whenever you’d what it.”   
  
I wink at her and her face lights up, giggling as I continue on my way.

  
  


“Hey, hey, Yamato and Hikari are acting like that couple in that movie I saw once!” out of nowhere, Koromon comments and I stop dead in my tracks.

Everyone stops and looks at him, before looking at _us_.   
  
“Oo, I know what you mean. Takeru watched this gushy movie this one time, and there was this boy and girl. They were really close, smiling at each other and giggling when they were alone!” Tokomon of all people adds, as I feel my ears becoming hot and my mouth becoming dry.

What do I say? What the hell do I say?

Okay, we’ve kissed before, twice even. Of course, I’d like Hikari to be my girlfriend, I’ve had a burning crush on her. But she said she only wanted to be friends with benefits. Okay, she didn’t say ‘only’; but that’s how she responded when I said I wanted to wait until she was in university. During that time...when I said I didn’t just want to mess around. 

Tsunomon’s right, I’ve figured these feelings out for myself. But I haven’t been open to them to Hikari, the person I’ve been holding these feelings for. The bottom line: we’re not dating...yet. No, Yamato, don’t go there. We’re not dating...but we’ve been acting like it, right? Am I crazy?

“W-wow, I’d love to watch those films sometime!” Hikari covers up, clapping her hands together, “Why don’t we watch them together? If we can, let’s invite Sora-san, Mimi-san, and Jou-senpai. Oh, and their Digimon too! I wonder how they’re doing.”  
“Sounds like a great time!” I chime in, walking over to Koromon and Tokomon to give them pats on the head, “Oh, you two rascals, not everything is like in the movies! Hi-Hikari-san and I are just good friends.” Okay, ‘san’ might have overkill.   
  
“Oh, I just remembered!” oh God, Koromon has _more to say_ , “Hikari used to carve her initials on a tree! I saw this, I saw this! She carved a heart, an arrow...and ‘YI’! Hey, hey, who’s ‘YI’?”   
  
I rather have Angemon throw an actual arrow at me again than go through this.   
  
“Oh, I remember something! I remember something!” Tokomon joins in, he stops momentarily to munch on some fries; and I thank all deities. Before he swallows them whole and opens his mouth again, this time, it’s definitely not to eat, “Yamato actually wrote a song about Hikari! Takeru doesn’t know about this, Tsunomon doesn’t know about this, but I do! I do! It was in his notebook, but it was yearsss ago!” 

I want to crawl into a hole and bury my head six feet under. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I got lazy to actually write up what the Digimon conflict was; I’ve never been good at action scenes.But y’all ain’t here for that.
> 
> When I still wrote my Takari fic, my cousin made a comment on how most Digifics end up with the Digimon were just playing around in the background. So I had a lot of fun incorporating them into this chapter. Yea it’s kinda cliche, but I think we can suspend our disbelief for this.  
> It’s almost 11pm here and I have an early morning, but I really wanted to get this chapter out in time. Apologies for the cliffhanger & prolly nine billion grammatical errors (wow really making use of that English & Creative Writing degree right here)
> 
> I’m also finally on Twitter! I’ll mostly just tweet updates & general writing thoughts, but you can find me as Hinaga Moizaf or @Hinaga_Moizaf


	8. Hidden Hearts Aiming For the Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll probably make a mini-essay on it sometime, but my lil’ headcanon/theory is that the Digimon partners are extensions of their human kids. Safe to say at this point, the whole thing about Digimon is that ‘they’re-not-pets’; through and through they’re these fantastical representations or foils to the Chosen Children.
> 
> That said, obviously they’re not incapable of feeling certain emotions and experiences like regular humans. For comparison, Agumon’s easily one of the most childish, and that’s perfectly valid characterisation; it’s a charming part of him. Whereas given her backstory (yes even with Confession’s reboot in mind), Tailmon is easily the most mature partner and has a more developed character as far as the actual Digimon go.
> 
> Idk thought I’d mention this because I know they’re not these almighty beings completely incapable of feeling things the kids do. But I do think there are certain sensations while they can’t necessarily experience or say they have a first-hand account of; they can at least empathise and be understanding of their human partners when they feel it. This will make sense in a bit, trust me.

I thank my lucky stars that my best friend’s such a dense idiot, because all Taichi does is cock his head to the side. My infuriating brother tries to turn his head and muffle his laughter, but Takeru’s doing a horrible job at it. Even Koushiro is unsure what to do, awkwardly whipping his head side-to-side and going through second-hand embarrassment for the two of us.  
  
“But isn’t this normal for humans?” Plotmon’s the first to break the silence. Despite her cute appearance, she still holds herself with an authoritative demeanor, “You guys grew up together, did you not? We Digimon have been with you all almost as long as you have known each other, but time must run differently for humans, does it not?”  
  
“Your feelings must be different too, in a way we may not comprehend, but we’ll support it and stand by you guys as much as we can,” Tsunomon adds, I love this little guy _so much_. The other two Baby II Digimon look at Hikari and my respective partners; Tentomon nodding to agree.

  
“Well,” Taichi shyly begins, completely out of character for him, scratching his chin, “I did have a small crush on Sora when we were kids.” He catches me looking at him, I do so out of relief, but he looks back at me flustered, “B-but it way before you two dated in Middle School, that was all!”  
  
I raise my hand to reassure him it’s all good, a lazy grin forming on my face. From the corner of my eye, Takeru nudges Koushiro in the elbow, a face of amusement written across his face.  
“Reminds me of the time you had the hots for Mimi-san too,” my brother teases, and we all laugh, everyone except Koushiro who becomes speechless.  
“D-don’t be ridiculous!” he tries to cover up, taking a page from my book of ‘badly-hiding-your-emotions’. Koushiro’s eyes dart left and right, lowering his voice for his next statement, “She’s a wonderful girl…”  
“- _friend_ ,” Taichi adds, as Koushiro gets up in frustration and says he has something to work on.

The rest of our get together continues, the mood calmer, but what happened still lingers in the air. I steal looks at Hikari, and just as I think she’s not going to look my way, _she does_ . I offer a weak smile, she returns it and my heart lights up; exchanging a non-verbal agreement. We _need_ to have a chat after this. What’s left of the day crosses over into the night, we all clean up and thank Koushiro for having us over. We agree we should keep an eye out for any rogue Digimon or more incidents like this; thinking of getting in touch with the other Chosen Children too. As Koushiro remains in his office (why wouldn’t he), the four of us split up, all our Digimon in hand...at least until Taichi’s out of sight and Takeru won’t poke his head in.  
  


  
Hikari and I stop by the station, maintaining a considerable amount of distance; pretending we don’t see each other. Tsunomon wiggles under my arm, looking at me confused; and through the crowd, I can see Plotmon’s getting restless. My partner Digimon unexpectedly bites me, and I can’t help but worry if he’s corrupted, but Tsunomon’s face of boredom tells me otherwise. Good news, he isn’t, thank the Lord. Bad news, even Plotmon’s becoming feisty, escaping Hikari’s grasp and nudging her to walk to me. 

She doesn’t stop pushing Hikari until she trips, and I instinctively catch her fall. Aside from a couple of busybody Elementary kids, no one pays attention to us, they just assume it’s a hectic crowd and I was being kind. _No one pays attention to us_ , that sentence replays itself. No one knows us, no one knows who we are, no one knows _about us_ .  
  
Besides Takeru (who honestly, I can’t tell if he’s just messing with us or actually knows what’s up), the only ones who definitely know are the Digimon. Koromon, Tokomon, but now, _especially_ Tsunomon and Plotmon. From the looks of it, they’re not going to stop pushing us either.  
  
I clear out my throat, pretending to look at the train schedules. Hikari straightens her back, and just as I think she’s going to let go; _Hikari grabs onto one of my hands_. Plotmon happily jumps back into her partner’s other arm, resting like an exhausted puppy; as Tsunomon yawns and buries his face so he can sleep. The two of us finally lock eyes.

“Why don’t we have a chat?”  
  


(Later in the evening, Yamato’s university dorm)

  
“Wait, say that again,” she asks of me, her face bemused and tightening her arm around my waist.  
  
We went back to my place, our Digimon partners in hand as they slept next to each other. I sit up on my bed, nervously avoiding eye contact with Hikari as she giggles; waiting for my words.  
  
“...I asked Koushiro to help me research the Dark Ocean after Takeru told us what happened,” I timidly respond, and a shy smile forms on Hikari’s lips. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her in for a lazy hug, as if fearing the creatures from the Dark Ocean would suddenly appear at my university dorm. She takes in the scent of my hoodie while I rest my chin on the top of her head; running my fingers through her chestnut locks, combing them.  
  
“Okay,” her breathing slows down, Hikari grabs onto the fabric of my clothing and fiddles with it, “I have a confession too...when Sora-san confessed to you during Christmas, the one when you guys were in Middle School and I was in Elementary...I actually got a bit jealous.”  
  
I fight the urge to burst out laughing, and instead rock her in my embrace side to side. Hikari further buries her face into my chest, and I sheepishly play with her hair; letting the strands slip between my fingers only to grab on to them again. Waiting for her to continue, allowing her to take her time.  
  
“But then you guys actually started to date,” she adds softly, her tone bittersweet, “And I was happy for you two, _I really was_. I couldn’t help but wonder, would I ever have the guts to do something like that?”  
“...would you have asked me out?” I just _had to ask_ , I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Hikari pulls back, and unexpectedly goes in for a quick, gentle kiss.  
“Maybe not at that age...but if I _were older_ ,” Hikari’s last words linger, just as the taste of her lips does and is something I’m starting to miss. Before I realise I can kiss her back, and I do, I do so lovingly but still unable to articulate that love.  
“I would have waited for you to be older too.”  
“Well, I’m older _now_ .”  
  
Hikari is older now, but I’m _always_ going to be older than her.  
  
Sure, it’s just a three year age gap. But the gap between her and I is the same between Taichi and her, the same as Takeru and I. Hikari’s always been mature for her age, and up to this point, neither of us have brought this topic up. In part, because it doesn’t matter as much now, _correction_ ; it doesn’t bother me as much. Say Hikari was thirty-seven and I was forty years old, by that point we’d both be working adults and probably reaching a mid-life crisis.  
  
But a part deep in my mind will nag at me, that voice that won’t shut up. _She’s your best friend’s little sister_. Of course, what Hikari does with her life and the feelings she holds doesn’t need to be ‘approved by Taichi’. Even with her frail health, over the years he’s learned to be less protective of her; trusting that Hikari can stand on her own. I went through a similar journey with Takeru, they’re not just our younger siblings. They’re their own people, prone to mistakes but learning along the way. 

_‘She’s your best friend’s little sister_ ’ is what this still boils down to.  
  
On her end, I know Hikari’s going through something similar in regards to Takeru. Even though on the surface he teases and plays with the idea of us, we still have no idea how Takeru feels about us. Sure, if you’re ‘madly in love’, some would argue who the hell cares what other people think. Well, I guess screw us for thinking about our families, not just our actual brothers; but the Chosen Children as a whole.  
  
I’ve heard Ken and Inoue are going steady, everyone somehow knew Sora and I would be an item. These couples make sense, but Hikari and I? We’ve discussed this, gradually opening up about this irrational fear. It’s not unheard of for the people in our group to date, even date each other. Hell, everyone always thought that would be Takeru and Hikari. So how are we different?  
  
It’s not a case how ‘the dynamics might change’. We hardly meet up nowadays, understandably. Even if things turned sour and we fell out of lo-no, take a step back. _You might love Hikari_ , but you can’t put words in her mouth like that. Take it back, Yamato, even if things turned sour and...our feelings for one another weren’t the same; the group wouldn’t be divided. Like when Sora and I first called it off, or when we had our breaks; the guys were considerate of course. But the two of us were nonchalant about it, reassuring we can go back to normal.  
  
So...is that it? Is that what I’m afraid and worried about? That fundamentally, there was a version of Hikari and I before we caught feelings, idiot, of course there was. You were literal children when you first met...God, I must have been a teen when I first had a crush on her. There’s no way I would have realised it at the time, but looking back, it’s fair to say I’ve been watching Hikari since then.  
  
We’re in a weird limbo state, of what our relationship is and how we go on about it. But for now, on this autumn eve when we’re kissing each other in my dorm and our Digimon are still fast asleep; _this is our normal_ . We wouldn’t have it any other way, this makes sense to us and we make sense to each other. End of the day, Hikari and I are just a pair of messy kids who caught feelings for each other; and those feelings remain sealed as the worst kept secret ever.  
  
The question still stands, _who_ are we hiding this from, and _why_ are we hiding it?  
  
I can’t say on her behalf, I can’t keep using Taichi as an excuse, but I definitely know: I know I’m keeping my true feelings a secret from Hikari because she won’t reciprocate. I’m not going to initiate anything I understand she doesn’t want, let alone share.

  
On that thought, I’m the first to break away, the two of us catching our breath and thankful I live alone. I trace my fingers along her face, letting my touch linger long enough, then crane my head so I can plant a kiss against her collarbone.  
“...what Tokomon said was true,” she’s probably confused why I’m bringing him up, “I have written a song about you, ages ago…”  
  
Hikari’s her fingers into my hair, playing with it as she hums the tunes to one of my songs. Wait, it’s _this song_ -  
“Thought it was weird you didn’t record this one with your band,” she teases but also says sweetly, her fingers now on my jawline, “...Koromon wasn’t lying either. I had such a crush on you when we were kids. In fact, some days I would daydream which one of our last names would sound better-”  
  
She doesn’t finish her words, and I understand why she doesn’t. My left hand falls to her shoulder, while my right arm slides around her waist; I caress her before giving Hikari another hug. This time, it’s to embrace her, to let the warmth of my body wrap her up. Hikari hugs me back, her grip not as tight but it doesn’t need to be. She hugs me to say she appreciates what we have, and how we go about conducting it. Hikari and I hug each other to say, at least for this moment, our hearts are filled with each other.  
  
“Why don’t we leave it at that? At some point, we’ve both had a crush on each other.”  
  
Hikari Yagami, if only you knew that crush reignited my love for music; and uncoincidentally grew into me loving you.   
  


  
I notice Hikari lift her head and look around my room, glancing at my posters and scattered textbooks. I want to ask what’s wrong before she rests her tiny head against my chest, taking in a deep breath.  
“You’re really going to become an astronaut,” she says softly, I rest my chin on the crown of her head.  
“Well, I don’t study Science and Engineering for nothing,” I say, both to her and myself, “Used to drive your brother crazy when I stayed back after school to ask the staff what they thought.”  
  
Hikari tilts her head slightly, her eyes flooded with innocence and curiosity, “ ‘What they thought’? Yama, isn’t it your decision to go to space?”  
 _I love it_ when she calls me ‘Yama’, but Hikari doesn’t realise she does, sometimes it slips out.So I try my best to show I notice, and simply smile back at her, “I never had plans to become a rockstar, music has always been a hobby for me. But for a while, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.”  
  
Our Digimon partners stir from their part of the room, and we worry if we’ve been too loud, before Tsunomon rolls on his side while Plotmon snuggles closer to him.  
“It wasn’t until our time in the Digital World that I started to have an idea about my future. Protecting their world and ours, yes it was stressful and unexpected, but the _joy_ I had. In a way, I guess it’s akin to when I used to perform at concerts, it’s seeing how people react to my work and if my songs can reach their hearts.”  
  
I had an impulsive thought to ask Hikari if my music ever reached her that way too, but I’ll work up the courage another time.  
“I want to keep protecting the world, and I could fight enemies up in space,” I confess, giving in to that childlike joy and excitement of being a superhero. Hikari notices this too, giggling, tightening her embrace to tell me she’s listening, “I had good grades. Contrary to what everyone thinks, I’m also fairly athletic. But I wasn’t sure if I had what it takes…”  
“Because you didn’t believe in yourself?” Hikari inquires, and I go silent.  
  


  
She lifts her head once more, her eyes kind and passionate, as Hikari plants a gentle kiss near the corner of my mouth. She continues to look at me, and I can’t help but blush at how beautiful she looks tonight. She’s always been beautiful, she is beautiful.  
“I’ve had my doubts if I could become a kindergarten teacher too,” she admits, her voice low but captures my entire attention, “But I’ve _always_ wanted to be one, as long as I can remember. I think it’s a wonderful thing to teach kids, and who knows, I could help them too outside of the classroom.”  
  
God, _I love her_ , I love her, I love Hikari.  
  
“I can’t help the entire world, I can’t promise things will be peaceful forever,” she continues, letting her words fall out and the weight of them lingering in my memory, “But I can start small, these kids are going to be the next generation, one day they’ll take over this world when we’re long gone. So for now, I think I can at least help them out when they’re young.”  
“I think so too, I can’t wait to actually see you teach in a classroom.”  
“I’m looking forward to watching you head for the stars too, I know you’ve got it in you.”  
“...I’m going to miss you when I’m up there.”  
“That’ll be a few years down the line, Yamato. For now, let’s enjoy the time we do have together, here in your uni dorm.”

One of these days, I’m going to shoot for the skies and cover it with my love for you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I’m throwing out a lot of points, but not quite developing them.  
> Idk I have notes on how each chp would either touch on character or plot points, but this one feels kinda smushed together. Well, guess it’s like the filler episode of a shonen anime


	9. Holding The Sun and My World

[The end of November]

At first, it was  _ just  _ the rejection letter.    
  
Then, a knock on the door.   
  
Now, calls are coming in left and right.    
  
Today, we thought we’d just be hanging around the Yagamis’ apartment; even Nyaromon and Gabumon tagged along. For a while, it was the four of us in our own bubble. While we couldn’t act like a traditional couple in front of our respective brothers, we could with our Digimon partners. We thought we had endless days of bliss and nights where we could naively fall asleep in our collective warmth; in our own bubble.   
  
The envelope containing the letter appeared hopeful, but its contents now mocking Hikari, and a fit of fury stormed through me.   
  
The police officers arrived at the Yagamis’ door appearing ominous, but even fearing the worst could not prepare Hikari, and what would have been her grief alone shook me to my very core.    
  
The calls kept piling up, at first it was her cellphone, a notification from her email. Then the landline rang, my phone rang, even Nyaromon and Gabumon felt like they had to answer something. But we all knew, we all understood what was happening.   
  
Hikari got rejected by her dream university, and while her parents were away, they were involved in an accident.

_ They didn’t make it _ . 

  
  
It's been God knows how long, but Time doesn’t cooperate in our bubble.   
  
The last time I’ve seen Hikari this shocked, to say the least, was when we thought Taichi had died. Nyaromon looks up at her partner, then at me, both of us remembering how she Digivolved into Ophanimon Falldown Mode. Through nonverbal cues, I told Gabumon to take her to the other room.   
  
It's been at most two hours since.   
  
  
There have been times before this when Hikari thought the world would end, so I held her.   
  
There have been times before this when Hikari would uncontrollably sob, so I held her.   
  
There have been times before this when Hikari would get so overwhelmed by her emotions, so caught up with frustration and full of misery, she’d want me to hold her. So I do, I’d hold Hikari knowing she wants me to, and I definitely want to hold her too. I hold Hikari when all the light has been drained out of her, when the world itself is pitch black and her own heart becomes darker than space itself; I hold her until a new light forms itself.   
  
This time, the light won’t come quick, it won’t come easy; I can’t even guarantee it’ll come. But if it never does, I’ll still be holding Hikari, I’ll hold onto her for as long as she wants and  _ needs _ me to.    
  
  


I think back to when we first came back from the Digital World, and found out that Hikari’s the 8th Chosen Child. When Taichi left her under my care, and I _ failed him _ .    
  
That’s not happening this time, nothing’s going to take Hikari away.    
  
Before she can grieve, she needs to register what’s happening, what she’s lost. When she does, she’s not going to go through it alone,  _ ever _ .    
  
Hikari’s not going to put others before herself.   
  
Hikari’s not going to hold it all in and keep it to herself.   
  
I’m not letting any emotional darkness or evil Digimon come remotely near her. She’s going to feel all sorts of emotions and her head’s going to work through a thousand thoughts, but when she’s ready to let them out; I’ll be  _ right there _ by her side.    
  
Taichi will be there.   
  
Tailmon will be there.   
  
Takeru will be there.   
  
But most of all, Yamato Ishida’s going to be there too, and I’ll be there even after the Sun rises.    
  
  
I couldn’t entirely recall how the rest of the night went, until Gabumon shook my shoulder and Nyaromon nudged Hikari awake. It had already been the next day, as we heard noises and footsteps in the living room; while Hikari and I remained in each other’s arms in her bedroom.    
  
Realising that explaining why I was there was the last thing we needed to worry about, she went out first. I had a glimpse through the crack of the door, Taichi immediately drew his sister in for a hug; their relatives gathered and wailed. I kept on peering in until my eyes flew on Takeru, who saw me too, and simply nodded. We never spoke of it, but I knew my brother was thanking me for being with his best friend. Odd, I’m not even sure if ‘thanking’ is the right term for this.   
  
But I nodded back, reassuring him I’ll always be with Hikari, even if it wasn’t going to rain indoors.    
  
As the Yagamis embraced each other, I remained in her room, holding onto Gabumon and Nyaromon myself. I couldn’t tell you how long I was in there, just as no one could say how long you should grieve. But I did have this to write about, scribbled away in one of Hikari’s notebooks:   
  


As I held you in my arms, it felt like I was holding    
the Sun, the cosmos' finest golf leaf,   
And maybe that’s why you won’t openly share    
your shadows, unwrapping them for your long-awaited relief,   
Why you hide yourself and lock up what fills you with grief.   
  
As I held you in my arms, it felt like I caught a Star,    
a gift handcrafted as one of Heaven’s greatest celebrations,   
But you’d berate yourself for being a ‘fallen one’,    
as if there wasn’t more to you than just calculated conversations,   
As you continue to burn yourself with self-loathing,   
When in reality, you have the right to forgive yourself   
And to ignite a new blaze to be shared amongst constellations.   
  
As I held you in my arms, I held my entire World,   
Your eyes as watchful and expressive as the Sky itself   
Your chestnut hair soft but dignified like the Earth   
Your shaking limbs that couldn’t hug back   
mirrored the Ocean and its depths,   
At the core of it all, your delicate heart beating irregularly   
Your heart that loves me, and I have loved tenfold,   
stored in your mortal body-   
  
You carry the weight of God’s most wonderful creations on your own,   
You have marched through Hell with worn out bones   
and had but a glimpse of the gates of Heaven   
Simply peering at what will become your eternal throne,   
But you still hold it all in and store away what rattles your heart.    
  
As I hold you in my embrace, I’m here to say:   
Whenever you want to slip back into the waters, I’ll be there   
Whenever you want to be buried in the soil, I’ll be there   
Whenever you want to float among the clouds,  _ I’ll be there _ .   
  
I’ll keep being there even when the Darkness is at its peak   
And Light dies out quietly into the abyss, tweaking    
the fabric of reality until even an Eclipse won’t seem so bleak,    
as if Light itself never existed but lives on in fables of mystique.   
But you did, you’ve always had, you were made    
as soon as Nature herself was born in the cosmic parade   
Just as you’ve always had a home in my heart,    
the one that’ll hold you when    
you can’t hold yourself up as a work of art.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I am reusing a plot point from my Takari fic. If this were a dating sim, guess this is the Yamato route lol.  
> I think the minimalistic tone fits with the chapter’s theme.
> 
> I post regularly on Instagram (@hinaga.moizaf) & Twitter (@@Hinaga_Moizaf) about my writing schedule as well as updates!


	10. Hope and Light

[Hikari’s perspective, December]   
  
“...I feel so bad for her…” the nurse whispers to her assistant as I leave her office, that’s my fourth trip this week.   
“...oh, yikes, it’s Yagami-senpai…” an underclassman nudges at her friend, but when we make eye contact, they both put on their fake smiles.   
“...I heard she didn’t get in,” a noisy classmate gossips amongst our peers, watching me from their corner of the room.   
“Can you imagine losing your parents at this young?”  _ please _ , everyone stay quiet.   
“Well, at least she’s got Takaishi, right?”  _ please _ , everyone stop talking.   
“Oh, you don’t know? Between us, I bet he’s just waiting until they’re out of Odaiba so he can finally-” no one knows what they’re talking about, no one knows anything about us.    
  
I’ve been reduced to the talk of the town, just another face in another ‘scandalous’ conversation.

When do I get a say in this? When do I get to tell my story?   
  


(Later in the evening, at the Yagamis’ apartment)

  
“... _ I can’t take it anymore _ …” I whisper, at first to myself, before Takeru-kun walks over, resting his warm hand on my shaking shoulder. I simply glance at him, my fringe obscuring my vision, my eyes starting to water from the corners.Tailmon and Patamon raise their heads, wanting to come over too, before Takeru-kun signals to them to give us space. The door quietly closes, and I bring my legs up to my chest.   
  
“Takeru-kun, I can’t keep lying about it...I’m miserable, I’m  _ devastated _ .”    
  
As a sob comes up my throat, I don’t choke it back down. I let it come up, I let it come out, and cry my heart out as if I’m a little girl again waking up from a nightmare. He wraps one arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him as hot tears drip onto the bed.    
  
“It all came crashing at once...the rejection letter, I mean...I know it would be like a dream come true...but it still  _ hurts _ -”    
  
I’ve gone to that stage of crying where I’m trying my best to gasp for air, but I can’t. So I end up making that annoying sound, I end up losing control of myself. Takeru-kun starts to rock me, lulling me like I’m a baby throwing a tantrum. Grabbing onto the sleeve of his sweater, he uses it to lightly wipe my face, even though I’m still wailing all the way through the night.   
  
“T-then, my parents-” my head instantly drops, a migraine coming along, “-oh my God,  _ my parents _ . Takeru-kun, they’re, they’re-”   
  
“They’re watching over you, Hikari-chan,” he finally speaks up, and his words hit me like another stab to the heart. That void comes creeping up, it eats me up without a second’s notice, and I let it. I let the void consume me because I’ve been pushing it to the furthest corner of my mind,  _ rejecting _ it.   
  
“...b-but most of all, most of all, Takeru-kun…,” a lump forms in my throat, my fingers trembling and my vision blurred out. My best friend simply ruffles my hair, patting it down and giving me the time to form my words.   
  
“Most of all,  _ I’m in love with Yamato-kun _ , and I haven’t been able to tell him that.” 

The second round of waterworks cascade. The ugly crying, the uncontrollable sobbing, that-annoying-sound-when-you-can’t-breathe-but-need-to-cry. They all come flooding out until my cheeks are hot and flustered, until my face is absolutely covered with tears and snot. Takeru-kun hugs me tighter, reassuring me once more he’s here, he’s listening.   
  
“But I  _ want _ to tell him I love him, and I’ve been such a lying idiot about it...b-but then, everyone thinks you and I are together,  _ but we aren’t _ . We really are just friends,  _ best friends _ -” I finally look up at him, like a child waiting for an answer. He smiles kindly at me, using his sleeve to wipe my face, my nose wrinkling up, “ _ You’re my best friend in the world, Takeru-kun _ .” 

  
“I’m honoured to be your gay best friend,” he says it softly, my eyes widening at each second, before I let out a cry for him.   
“...you’re coming out...to me,” I repeat like a moron, and Takeru-kun awkwardly laughs back.   
“Sorry it took me so long.”   
“No, no, it’s not that...Takeru-kun, I mean, thank you for sharing that with me...wait, that’s not right...do you w-want a cake or…?”   
“Just let me hug you, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean there needs to be a big show about it.”   
  
I cup his face, and lean up to kiss his forehead like a proud sister. He laughs back, it sounds so boyish and light, he laughs like he’s made up of the summer itself. I join him, a smile finally forming on my lips and we fall back to the bed. We lose ourselves in our laughter, in this night of shared secrets and hearts that want to openly love.   
  
“Have you come out to anyone else, yet? If you don’t mind me asking,” I say to him out of curiosity.    
“Pretty much just Patamon. He didn’t really get it,” Takeru-kun answers, taking in a deep breath,exhaling out his relief, “But he said at the end of the day if it makes me happy and I’m still me, Patamon said he’s always going to like me and be by my side.”   
“He’s got a point...I’m always going to like you too, Takeru-kun.”   
“Yeah, well…,” this is the first time I’m hearing him get flustered, my words catching him off guard, “...I’m always going to be by your side, Hikari-chan, so is _ Aniki _ .”    
  
My cheeks burn once more as I roll onto my side, covering my face and remembering what I said just a moments ago. My heart starts to beat fast while my best friend taps on my shoulder, before pulling me back to face him.   
“If you don’t tell him, I will~” he teases, and he’s back to having the upper hand.   
“Y-you already get to tell him you love him almost everyday,” I blurt out, but covering up is pointless by now, “How would this be any different?”   
“Because  _ you’re the one _ who’s in love with him, and you’ll be saying it to his  _ face _ .”   
  
I squirm in my place and he chuckles, lightly flicking my forehead, “I know you guys just aren’t hanging out ‘as friends’, there’s something more.” Takeru-kun reaches out to rub my forehead, his fingers resting there before tapping, “You’ve had the fattest crush on him since  _ we were kids _ , it’s so cute. I can’t pinpoint a moment for him, but I’ve always known, longer than he was able to put the pieces together : my brother  _ definitely _ has a thing for you too, no two ways about it.” 

  
I don’t have anything reasonable to say, until I hear noises outside of my bedroom. The shadows beneath the door suggests there’s at least two other people besides Patamon and Tailmon in the apartment; and half of the time Patamon flies anyway. I push myself up, my throat dry and my limbs start to shake once more. Without hesitation, Takeru-kun places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, gripping onto it firmly.    
  
“Before you protest, I have a plan.”   
  
He winks at me kindly, but my stomach drops.   
  
Takeru-kun gets up first, turning the doorknob and accidentally scaring our brothers. He says something to them, probably cracking some joke, and one figure walks away. As soon as he does, the sound of the older blonde’s voice catches my attention. Before I know it, Yamato-kun’s been pushed into my room, looking rather frazzled as Takeru-kun shuts the door behind him.    
  
I become rigid as the anxiety builds up,  _ what-the-hell-did-he-say _ ?   
  
I sit up, my eyes on Yamato-kun as he finally looks my way; and his eyes widen. He makes his way towards me, I hold in a breath, and he settles down next to me. Yamato-kun leans in, and my eyes instinctively fly to his fingers as they begin to stim. I look back at him, as his eyes are filled with concern and compassion.   
  
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”   
  
_ Here it comes _ .   
  
“I know we haven’t talked about it, partly because I knew you weren’t ready to.”   
  
_ Deep breaths, deep breaths _ .   
  
“Takeru just told me...you were crying about the rejection letter and your parents.”   
  
_ I was _ .   
  
He stops, and I brace myself for his next words. But...it doesn’t come.   
  
I’m left staring at him, and he’s watching me; I gradually realise that is  _ all _ Takeru-kun told him. Oh my God, bless that boy.    
  
“Yeah,I’m still pretty hung up about it,” I confirm softly, Yamato-kun’s hand finding itself on top of mine, as if finding its way home.   
“You have  _ every  _ right to, Hikari,” his voice deep and ensuring his words reach me at every emotional beat, “Just as you have a right to express your grief with what feels comfortable for you. And whatever that method is, I’m going to be right by your side and sit with you as the grief settles in. I’ll be there for you to lean on, if you need a push, and everything else in between.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m here to say I wrote Takeru’s coming out scene with the utmost respect; my heart goes out to all my LGBTQ+ readers and everyone else who feels they’re not ready yet to come out. Coming out doesn’t have to be this grand thing either; at the same time I firmly believe you don’t have to make a big fuss about someone’s gender identity/sexual or romantic orientation because regardless, this should be a matter that’s normalised. While in my writing, Takeru being gay is a defining moment, it’s not all that defines him. He still bears the Crest of Hope, he’s still Patamon’s human partner, he’s still a writer, he’s still Hikari’s best friend. This is the same Takeru we’ve grown to love from their first adventure in the Digital World; and now he’s open about who he’ll love.


	11. A Knot of Friendship

[Yamato’s perspective, Christmas Day]  
  


Hikari’s been more open to me, more at ease. I’ve also noticed she’s back to hanging out with Takeru again, which is fantastic, they’re best friends after all. In general, Hikari’s been feeling and acting like herself again, and it’s genuinely heartwarming. There are times when you can tell someone’s faking it, she was never like this during those early weeks, but she was different.  
  
The girl I love became a living doll, completely devoid of her heart and soul. I don’t blame her one bit, with everything that happened, most people would freak out. Hikari didn’t, she shut down, and in the beginning all I knew was to hold her. I don’t know how it happened, but I do vividly recall when it did.  
  
At some point, I wasn’t just holding her, I could also listen to Hikari’s grief; and it wasn’t all verbal either.  
  
It was a slow process, but we reached that point. _She_ reached that point, and I’ve never been more grateful for the deities above. I don’t think anyone has the right to ‘make someone happy’, but they can definitely help. More than anything now, I want to help make Hikari happy.  
  
Which is why (after a lot of persuasion from a certain Yagami and pestering Takaishi) I’m holding an intimate Christmas party at my university dorm; the one that can hardly have ten people at a time. Okay, I want to help cheer up Taichi too, he went through a pretty rough patch on top of what unfortunately happened to their parents. Okay, it’s Takeru’s last Christmas in Odaiba before he goes off God knows where ( Mum’s hoping for France while Dad’s has a bet on America). As for Hikari...I want this to be a surprise for her.  
  
Takeru got the memo, and the little gremlin even gave me a wink. But Taichi...well, he doesn’t know about his sister and I. So I can’t be mad at him when he talked about it in passing, with Hikari within earshot, but read the room. Before anyone could ponder over what that idiot said, Tailmon was quick to change the subject; she knew _what’s up_ . Her and Gabumon are up to speed with what our relationship is like, and we couldn’t be happier about that. We also couldn’t be more grateful that they’re pretty mature Digimon partners too, and understand that at least for now, Hikari and I are still a secret.  
  
Thing is, and I’ve thought myself to death over this : what exactly is that secret?  
  
What are we?

  
  


My maternal grandparents sent over a special package from France, they usually send one to Takeru and I around the holiday season. For this year, they gave me a more ‘adult’ gift. Believe me when I say I wanted to migrate the country when I first heard that, but fortunately I don’t have to. What they really meant was that they had some French wine shipped over, as well as a special box of chocolates coming from the same company. With how much it costs, Dad joked I could pay for my students loans with it.  
  
Mum ,on the other hand, didn’t take his joke too kindly (having heard it over the phone, of course). I reassured her I’ll actually consume the gifts they sent, and Takeru suggested I serve them at the Christmas party. Okay, a tiny dorm room, a couple of rowdy Digimon, AND a drunk Taichi : not the best combination.  
  
I’ve had my doubts, my second thoughts, even considered cancelling it and proposing to Hikari we catch a fancy dinner instead. I was going to chicken out...then I saw how her face lit up the moment we entered my place. I’ve been watching her this entire evening; yes while I am the host and should be attending to everyone else - Hikari has my undivided attention.  
  
I’ll have to thank Tailmon for suggesting I buy some faerie lights and decorate my room with it; because my beloved secret is practically _glowing_ beneath them. No, she’s shining even brighter than them, shining as much as her heart is this Christmas night.

  
  


(Towards midnight, after the party is over.)  
  


A hiccup catches my attention, and a curse word, one I never thought would come out of the mouth of, “...Hikari?”  
Slumped over the kitchen counter, giggling to herself, Hikari’s face is flushed while her eyelids become heavy. I stop whatever I was doing and approach her, Hikari’s head swinging from side to side as if she can’t keep her balance. I suddenly realise what’s around her, the unwrapped chocolate, a half empty cup-oh no. Oh no, oh no...these were the gifts sent by my French Grandpa and his wife, the ones that had-  
“Y-Yama-chan!” she throws her hands up, her tone becoming childlike as I blush over what she just called me. Her enthusiasm declines, placing a finger on her chin as she squints at me, “Yama...Yamato...Mato...Matt...Matty!”

I became as red as a tomato as soon as she said that, Hikari cheerfully clapping her hands as she swung side to side. I come closer, opening my arms and being on standby, watching her every move to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself. She picks up a piece of paper and waves it around.  
“That’s soo cute,” she squeals in between hiccups, “Your grandparents called you ‘Matty’! That’s not far off from Yamato...Yama...hey,hey, what if _I_ called you ‘Yama-chan’?” 

After throwing her head back a bit too hard, I decide to finally pull her away from the counter and kitchen appliances; holding her in my arms as she giggles. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with a drunk girl. Hell, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with a _drunk Yagami_ (despite his size, Taichi’s such a lightweight). But with Hikari, it’s different, I feel like I have to do better. Do everything I can to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.

  
This is when I’m grateful that I have my own place for university instead of staying at my Dad’s place. Japanese apartments aren’t exact mansions, especially for us middle class folk. But I’m grateful because there’s less area for Hikari to run off into. At the same time, I’m starting to realise how small my place is, and cursing that. 

Alcohol doesn’t turn you into a different person, but rather a catalyst for making you do things you normally wouldn’t do when you’re sober. Knowing that, just _look at her_ . Hikari’s always been the ‘good girl’, teased by Taichi for being the ‘goody-two shoes’ of the siblings. Obedient, she could literally be on her deathbed (as explained by Takeru _twice_ ), but she still wouldn’t want to ‘bother you’ or ask for help. Putting others before herself, I know every once in a while, Hikari probably wants to let loose and have fun.

She starts to cough and I immediately settle her down on my bed, grabbing a glass of water as she hungrily downs it. Okay, she’s going to cut loose under my supervision. I should probably rummage through my medicine cabinet in case she gets a hangover. Hmm, do I have a hair tie? Or even a rubber band? I mean, Hikari’s hair isn’t that long. In fact when she was younger, it was even shorter than our resident tomboy Sora. But that was back then, now it’s at least reached her shoulders. I know she’s trying to grow it out, I could definitely hold her hair back if she rushes to the bathroom. That wouldn’t be too weird, right? Is this weird? Am I being weird?  
  
Hikari brings me back to the present by tugging on my sleeve. She has my complete attention once more as I watch her try to form words, before she giggles again.  
“I…,” Hikari leans too much to her right and I quickly place a pillow where her head might fall. She stops, letting out a few hiccups before looking at me. Hikari’s smile is brighter than the sunshine, I’m melting just looking at it, “I want anatha drink, Yama-chan~”  
  
I smile back at her, trying to mask my embarrassment before sitting cross legged in front of her, “Sweetheart, you shouldn’t be drinking anymore. In fact, I think you’ve had enough to last the whole winter.”  
“Eh? But why...Imma big girl!” Hikari scrunches up her nose before stretching her arms wide, indicating that she’s no longer the eight year old I first met all those summers ago, “Ams eighteen, Ib been eighteen for a while now!”  
“Yes, but this was also your first time drinking,” I try not to laugh as she flips between wanting to throw a tantrum and laughing herself silly, “Why don’t we take a break for now? Take it slow.”  
  
“Das de thing!” she points her finger at me, I’m taken aback. Hikari tries to stand up and once more, I instinctively open my arms to catch her fall. But she settles back down, looking dazed, looking at me.Hikari whispers something, or rather mouths it, so I lean in to listen. I didn’t realise how close I was until she brushed her lips against my eyebrow, and now I’m blushing again.  
  
“Dat de thing I wanna talk about, wanna let ou know,” I can feel a smile forming on her lips, she remains there, and I hope she can’t hear how fast my heart is beating. I can’t even stim, I’m afraid to move a single muscle.  
“...what do you want to let me know?” my throat goes dry, I wipe my hands on my bed-sheets because my palms are getting sweaty. _Shit_ , Hikari starts to shift in her place; and I have to bite my lip every time her hips brush up against my hands.  
“Yamato-kun,” that’s the least embarrassing name she’s called me, but it still catches me off guard, “I was making up bullshit. I don’t just wanna fool aroundd wid ou. I’m not just looking at ou for sex, jesus christ Ib been looking at you since we were KIDS.”

That’s a lot to take in, and she hasn’t even finished her words.Hikari finally lifts her head up, and as I watch her face, I want to kick myself.

Hot tears pour out, a continuous waterfall as she gasps for air. I remained stunned for a moment, half hating myself for making her cry; before common sense kicks in. She eventually lies down on the bed, her fall barely making a noise; and I lay next to her. I watch as she sobs, I let her get all the tears out, I wonder if she gives herself permission to cry like this. 

I slide my arm beneath her neck while also supporting her head, pulling her in closer to me. With my other hand, I bring it up to her face and wipe those tears away. God, my fingers must feel so coarse against her soft skin. I pat her head, pull away a few loose strands from her face; before I take the initiative to kiss away her tears.

Hikari’s breathing slows down, she gradually calms down as I shift in my place. I move around so her head can rest against my chest; so she can feel my heartbeat. At least, I’ve heard that helps. It helped me, when I was really, really young.  
“Yama,” she takes a deep breath, I whisper into her hair that I’m listening, that I’m here and she could pour her entire heart out.I would take care of it, if she wanted me to, I could help piece it together. If she wanted, I could carve out a whole new heart, and make sure she could call it her own. The things I’d say to her, do for her, and swear to uphold even when we’ve crossed over into the next life- if she knew. 

“After Halloween night, when I came to you like this- oh my God I was such a fucking liar. Yamato-kun, what I meant to say is that _I love you_ .”  
  


  
I _really_ hope it’s not physically possible for my heart to just jump right out of my chest now. 

“And I wanna be wid ou as in together _together_ , like a girlfriend together.”  
  
Goddmanit, how is this girl so cute? How is this humanly possible?  
  


“You know…” her words start to jumble up, and it hits me how red her lips are, “Since everyone thought me and...what’s your brother’s name again?”  
“Takeru,” I try not to laugh, “You guys have been best friends since you were kids, since forever.”  
“And das de thing! Everyone thought we were together...TakTak and HikHik for five ever...haha five ever, get it? It’s bigger than forever...but the ‘for’ in forever isn’t spelt the same way as the number four…”  
Guess idiocy runs in the family.But I don’t mind, not in the slightest. I bet Hikari’s always wanted to crack corny jokes like this, be the class clown too. I’m here for it, I’m here for all of Hikari; everything about her that makes her ‘ _her_ ’ and she’s pushed aside.

“But that’s about it,” she starts to wiggle around, her hands reaching out to me, like a child asking for something. It takes me a while to realise she’s asking for a hug, so I return it, an innocent giggle escaping her lips. I continue to hold Hikari in my arms, letting her think about what she wants to say, keeping her close to my heart.  
“Oh right...so I never had a proper boyfriend beefour, that’s it...so when I say I wanna be together like boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t actually know what I’m saying.”  
  
I haven’t considered that either, but that’s partly because I never thought we’d get this far. Hell, that we’d even get here to begin with. Her tiny hands grab onto my shirt, and I wonder if that’s a sign she needs something. But she loosens her grip, and starts patting me instead as she hiccups.  
  
“I think...when I say I wanna be together...I want you to know I like you, I like you a lot...in fact when I was little, God like eight years old or sumthing...I would write our names together, see what sounds nice...I scribbled it all out in a diary, I still don’t know if ‘Hikari Ishida’ or ‘Yamato Yagami’ sounds better.”

_How about both_?

I give myself a mental kick before I have a chance to say it out loud.I know it’s nothing new for girls to daydream, to think of a ‘what if’ future with their crush. But this, this really has been eating her up since we first met. All those times she’s heard me go on a date, all those times I used their shower (okay in my defense, Taichi threw mud at me) and she wasn’t expecting me to be at their place, all those times...Takeru mentioned that Hikari asked about me.

Asked if I’ve eaten, asked if I went to band practice, asked if I’ve considered seeing a therapist-it's been building up inside of her. I hug her tighter, Hikari makes a surprised noise; I shut my eyes and make a brief prayer. After what feels like an eternity, I feel her fingers tapping my cheek. I open my eyes to find her looking at me longingly, then with undying love as she smiles like an angel. 

  
  


Hikari mumbles something, before adorably rubbing her eyes. Note to self, the girl you love turns into an actual child when she’s drunk.  
“How about we call it a night?” I suggest as she moans about something, “Don’t worry, you won’t be going home at this hour, you can spend the night here.”  
As I slowly get up, maintaining a charming smile and gentle eye contact with her; Hikari immediately clings back onto me. I know we were just laying next to each other and have kissed a couple of times before, but _this_ . She squirms about, saying how I’m not ‘being fair’, I try not to panic. Keeping a steady hand on her and hugging back, I use my other hand to pull back my blanket.  
  
“Hikari, I’m just adjusting a few things,” I explain to her, as she tightens her grip but still hanging off of me like a koala, “I just want to make sure you’ll be properly sleeping under the covers, Taichi would kill me if you caught a cold.”  
“Only thing I caught are feelings for youu,” she teases as I lay her back onto the bed, this girl’s such a flirt, she’s going to be the death of me. I pull the blanket up to her chin and she pouts.  
“What is it this time?”  
“Why isn’t ou getting unda de covers too?”  
  
My body stiffens at her question as I clear my throat, glancing elsewhere quickly, “I-I have a spare futon, I’ll just sleep on the floor.” That’s not a lie either, a couple of peers (okay mainly Taichi) have crashed here after getting too wasted or doing assignments last minute. After two or three unexpected visitors, I got the memo : Yamato’s single room apartment is a second home for them….would it be a second home for her too?

Just as I’m about to get up, Hikari grabs onto me through the covers; and I’m already trying to find the words to reason with her until she places a finger on my lips, “...will you lie with me again? Like just now...I wanna hear your heartbeat again...I wanna be near Yama’s heart.”  
How could I possibly say no to that? Feeling completely smitten, I beam at her as her eyes momentarily light up before she yawns. I settle myself next to Hikari once more, ensuring she’s properly tucked in before repositioning myself, as if this comes to me like second nature. Like I’ve done this with her a million times before. Hikari smiles sweetly as I take in a deep breath, in and out, her cheek finding its way home on top of my chest. 

If we were really dating, we could do this every once in a while, turn it into our own tradition. I’d imagine a more sober Hikari would be more shy, more reluctant to just snuggle up against me like this. Truthfully, I’m blushing hard too. But it could be something, _we_ could be something. I know Hikari’s been considering universities in the area, and sent off a couple of applications already. I don’t want to jinx it, but what if she was accepted _here_ , here at my university too. To save costs she would probably stay at the Yagamis’ apartment...or she could move in with me. 

Hikari’s fingers peek out of the covers, waving about for something, until I wrap mine around hers. She giggles, “...I found you.”  
“Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?” I tease, letting the happiness of this situation completely soak me up.  
“...I will, I am...I usually go to bed thinking about Yama-chan, but now...I get to fall asleep beside Yama-chan...hearing this heart.”

“It beats for you,” I whisper to her, my voice carrying a singsong tone. Not the kind like when I’m on stage, but more so a lullaby-like tone,“My heart’s been filling itself up with feelings and thoughts of you, Hikari.” 

“...I love that.. _I love you_.”

  
  


It’s safe to say growing up as a child of divorce, I have a hard enough time admitting my feelings; let alone registering them. I just think back to my previous relationships, or at least the few I did have, romance wise. Late into Middle School, I realised I had a crush on Sora. We even went out, albeit on and off, all the way until it became another Highschool memory. It’s not that she wasn’t a good girlfriend, Sora definitely put in more effort than me, and she knew it. Why wouldn’t she? Sora bears the Crest of Love, out of everyone, she probably knew best where my heart really was. Long before I could recognise it myself.  
  
I’ve replayed this conversation we had, very early on in our relationship too:  
“What’s _she_ like?” Sora asked out of nowhere. I honestly have no idea who ‘she’ was at the time. Sora only smiled back, but she didn’t pity me, she wasn’t angry with me. Sora sincerely wanted me to be happy, to be with the one I actually love. But I was an emotionally constipated teengaer, blind to reality.  
She simply responded, somewhat answering her own question, “When you’re with her, it’s like you finally got to bask under the Sun. I can’t wait for that day to come.”

All this time, I’ve secretly wanted to bask under a blanket of Hikari’s love. 

  
  


“Hikari, isn’t it scary to say that?” I ask her, unable to say the word myself.  
“Offt cuss I’m scared, it took me almost a wholeee decade to say it,” she giggles at her words and I join in with a soft chuckle. Her nuzzles against me, curling up closer like a kitten, “But I wanted to say it, a lot of the time I actually get nervous with you...but I also get really, really calm too. But more than that, I really, really, REALLY love you too-so I wanted to say that.”

  
  


“Hikari-chan,” I keep my voice low, but put on a voice akin to the one I use when I sing. Tonight, I’ll sing for her, and her alone, “When I said I wanted to take things slow, you were so ahead of me, it took you an entire decade to put your feelings out like that.”  
She laughs at my joke, while also stifling a yawn, her eyes gradually closing.  
  
“I could have never done it myself, even saying the word...that terrifies me. But you did and I feel like such an idiot, that’s something I admire. Something I respect,” I stop, trying to sort out the words in my head before they come tumbling out. But my mouth works faster than I ever could, “Something I’d want to find in a girlfriend, and now I have with you.”  
She starts to move at the word ‘girlfriend’, I blush a little before her breathing becomes snoring.

“I just want to let you know, if we were together, I’d let you hear my heartbeat as many times as you want. I’d write a thousand songs about how it beats for you. I’d play those songs for you in private, at a coffee shop, even during a concert,” I laugh at my own words.

“Not that I’ve had one in ages. But my point being, I’d treat you better than anything some faerie tale prince pulls off. I’d treat you with the best version of me, because you deserve the best. I know whenever Taichi and I fight, even if it’s light and you’re laughing along; I know that actually makes you sad. I know that when Mum tries to catch up with me and I turn her down, you become concerned. All these things, while I can’t change them instantly overnight, I can make a start. I’ll make a start because what boyfriend makes his girlfriend that sad and concerned? These are things within my reach, things I can improve on- and with you, Hikari, dear Lord, you make me want to better myself everyday.”  
  


She’s fast asleep, her chest rising and falling, the clock on my desk being the only thing making noise. It’s so silent, so peaceful, what a night it's been. I lower myself and place a gentle kiss on her forehead, already imagining how many more I’ll do.  
“Merry Christmas, Hikari-chan. I hope that after tonight, you won’t cry over me anymore. I pray that instead, you’ll start dreaming of what lies ahead of us. It’s bright, a little daunting, but we’ll get through it. Now that I’ll be by your side, I swear I’ll have you feeling like you outshine the Sun, because you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think by the time this is uploaded, I’d probably try to get it out as a Christmas Special.  
> Yeah I wrote the entire drunk confession on 3rd November lol, and now I finally get to share it.
> 
> For the actual party segment, I did have plans to fully write out. But ngl getting this out in time for 20th Dec, going to have to cut some corners. Mayhaps will revisit it in the *cough* sequel *cough* fic, but from ANOTHER character’s POV (oo I smell spice / an opportunity for someone apart from Takeru to pick up on Yakari)


End file.
